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sleepyscholar
[It was supposed to be just an ordinary class outing to take care of a bandit problem.
Oh, sure, these class outings are usually dangerous; bandits aren't simply going to roll over and allow a bunch of students to kill them, but this is hardly the first time the Black Eagles have been tasked with such a thing. They head out and take care of the problem with no real issues. Sometimes some of them are injured, but Linhardt can always keep them healthy until they can be taken care of back at the monastery.
So Hubert wasn't really expecting anything different today. The woods they've engaged the bandits in are thick and make traversing through them difficult, however; that's most likely how they managed to get separated from the rest of their class. The sounds of a clash can still be heard distantly, but for now...
Well, for now, he and Linhardt are separated from the others. That isn't necessarily a problem; he likes Linhardt well enough, and while Linhardt doesn't like to fight, Hubert can certainly look out for both of them. The bigger problem is that Linhardt is their healer, which means Lady Edelgard is out there without a healer in case she ends up in a bad situation. Rejoining the rest of their class is the top priority.
(It has nothing to do with the fact that being alone with Linhardt is... not exactly ideal. They're friends, yes. He likes Linhardt, yet. The problem is that he likes Linhardt entirely too much and being alone with him sends Hubert's pulse skyrocketing and those thoughts become almost impossible to ignore. He cannot afford to split his focus like that in battle, not when something could happen to Lady Edelgard and he isn't even there to protect her right now—)
Needless to say, he's very antsy as he picks his way through the trees and bushes. He's on high-alert, as always. Most of the bandits are most likely fighting their fellow students, but they've had to fend off a few stragglers so far, so he certainly isn't about to let down his guard.]
We need to make it to the others quickly.
[This would be easier if the trees weren't so overgrown... How are you doing, Linhardt?]
Oh, sure, these class outings are usually dangerous; bandits aren't simply going to roll over and allow a bunch of students to kill them, but this is hardly the first time the Black Eagles have been tasked with such a thing. They head out and take care of the problem with no real issues. Sometimes some of them are injured, but Linhardt can always keep them healthy until they can be taken care of back at the monastery.
So Hubert wasn't really expecting anything different today. The woods they've engaged the bandits in are thick and make traversing through them difficult, however; that's most likely how they managed to get separated from the rest of their class. The sounds of a clash can still be heard distantly, but for now...
Well, for now, he and Linhardt are separated from the others. That isn't necessarily a problem; he likes Linhardt well enough, and while Linhardt doesn't like to fight, Hubert can certainly look out for both of them. The bigger problem is that Linhardt is their healer, which means Lady Edelgard is out there without a healer in case she ends up in a bad situation. Rejoining the rest of their class is the top priority.
(It has nothing to do with the fact that being alone with Linhardt is... not exactly ideal. They're friends, yes. He likes Linhardt, yet. The problem is that he likes Linhardt entirely too much and being alone with him sends Hubert's pulse skyrocketing and those thoughts become almost impossible to ignore. He cannot afford to split his focus like that in battle, not when something could happen to Lady Edelgard and he isn't even there to protect her right now—)
Needless to say, he's very antsy as he picks his way through the trees and bushes. He's on high-alert, as always. Most of the bandits are most likely fighting their fellow students, but they've had to fend off a few stragglers so far, so he certainly isn't about to let down his guard.]
We need to make it to the others quickly.
[This would be easier if the trees weren't so overgrown... How are you doing, Linhardt?]

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That said, he starts a bit when the uniform is held out to him and he makes the mistake of glancing over and oh. Oh no. Okay, no, he's got this, there is no way he's going to just stare at Linhardt and completely forget how words work for a moment. That's absolutely not going to happen.
...So naturally, that's exactly what happens and Hubert winds up openly staring for several moments too long before he finally snaps back into himself and snatches the uniform quickly.]
Of course. [Thankfully, his voice doesn't reflect the internal shrieking he's doing.] If that's what you would like then yes, I will.
[His movements are more mechanical than usually as he turns to head out - if he's not stopped, he'll head down to take care of Linhardt's clothes and berate himself the entire time for a slip-up like that. He is not one to stare or lose control of himself for any amount of time. Such a mistake is beneath him and entirely too stupid - and Linhardt's surely noticed, how is he supposed to face him when he returns...?
Regardless of his circling thoughts he is efficient. Laundry isn't exactly difficult and once he's done with Linhardt's clothes, he returns to Linhardt's room. He knocks on the door and takes a step back, exhaling and trying to steel himself for whatever Linhardt will say about... well. All of that.]
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He tries to ignore it, really he does, but he's quickly turning red himself and is getting ready to apologize for something or other when Hubert eventually does take the uniform from his hands.]
Thank you.
[Linhardt changes into the softer, more casual pair of pants and light, over sized shirt he'd picked out while Hubert is off taking care of his laundry. He's managed to at least wash his hands and his face by the time his classmate returns. At first Linhardt is quiet when he answers the knocking and opens the door to let Hubert back inside. His mind is in a bit of a whirl right now, as he spars with himself about whether or not to openly mention the obvious attraction he'd seen in the other's eyes or not.
He doesn't want to cause embarrassment, but neither does he want to ignore such an obvious issue. In the end, he decides to speak up.]
I just wanted to say... about before. I don't mind if you like looking at me. I also wouldn't mind if you wanted to touch me. I think I'd rather like it, in fact.
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He's pale to begin with, so the blush is incredibly obvious. His gaze is fixed firmly back on the wall, even though Linhardt's no longer undressed. It's just... very difficult to look at him when he's being addressed with words like—]
...What?
[I also wouldn't mind if you wanted to touch me. I think I'd rather like it, in fact.
No, surely he misheard...? There's no way—
He does look at Linhardt then, studying him intently for any sign that this is some sort of trick. He doesn't really believe he misheard Linhardt, but there's no way that this is actually something Linhardt wants. There has to be more to it, something he's missing...]
Are you... Are you sure?
[The words are a bit hesitant, uncertain. He doesn't dare get his hopes up, but there's no disguising the caution in his tone.]
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Would it be wrong of him to find that cute?
Someone so strong in battle with the sharpest glare for anyone who might bother Edelgard and a stride that always makes him seem like he's heading somewhere with purpose... but blushes like he's been baking in the sun at the suggestion of intimate gazes or contact.
Linhardt smiles just thinking about it.]
Yes, I'm sure. I've known I'm attracted to both men and women for ages, now. It's not something I tend to bring up, but I'm making an exception for you.
[He doesn't want Hubert to think this is a trick or to doubt his sincerity, after all.]
I've had an eye on you for awhile. I just... assume by default that any man I meet won't feel the same way. It's better to get some hints beforehand, I think.
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...Though he supposes that most people find attraction to be natural and not something distracting. So maybe he's the weird one here.]
I can understand that. You hardly needed to worry about that; I've found you... attractive for some time now.
[He's just been very good at lying to himself about it or otherwise ignoring it. Admitting it so freely is doing nothing to help the blush, and his eyes don't stay on Linhardt for long before he's suddenly glancing at the wall again.]
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Fortunately, his risk pays off.
And Goddess, does he feel a flutter of emotions when Hubert admits attraction to him for 'some time.' He'd done an amazing job of hiding it until recently.]
...Do you need time to think about this? [Despite his admission, Hubert is obvious quite distressed. Linhardt doesn't want him to feel that way.]
I feel like I'm torturing you by having you stand there.
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[If he leaves and thinks about it for any length of time, he won't ever allow himself another moment like this. He knows that. And more than anything, he does want this. He doesn't want to talk himself out of it.]
Any hesitation is only because this is... new to me.
[That's a bit embarrassing to admit, but it's best to explain himself before Linhardt starts questioning if this really is what he wants.]
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[The explanation of this being new doesn't really surprise him at all. Just because Hubert is older than himself, doesn't mean he has given himself time to explore intimacy. Not when he's always been so busy looking after Edelgard.]
That's okay. Most of what I know is just in theory, anyway.
[Yes, there have been a few people back home in the Empire who have cautiously approached him in appreciation of his appearance or social status, but he isn't particularly interested in kissing strangers just because they complimented him.]
The rest we can figure out as we go, right?
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Yes, I believe so as well.
[There's a pause, some lingering hesitation as he debates how to proceed from here. Shouldn't that have been the difficult part? He always assumed it would be obvious what to do after feelings were laid out in the open. Not that he'd ever planned on talking about this, but still...
He moves forward without thinking, until he's finally standing beside Linhardt. One gloved hand comes up, hovering just shy of touching the side of Linhardt's face.]
May I... [The words are almost breathless, entirely too hesitant. He tries to find his lost confidence.] May I touch you?
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Linhardt has a similar plan in mind, but tosses that out when Hubert moves over to him first. He reaches up for that hand... only to begin plucking the glove off of it.]
Yes, but it doesn't count if you're wearing those.
[He doesn't want to feel that material, but rather Hubert's bare skin against his own. It would feel a bit less personal, otherwise.]
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Fair enough.
[He brushes Linhardt's hair back a bit so he can rest his newly freed hand against the side of Linhardt's face. His thumb brushes over Linhardt's cheekbone; all of his movements are perhaps surprisingly gentle, and exceptionally careful.
He has to remember to breathe.]
You're beautiful.
[He doesn't give compliments freely, and he usually wouldn't bother with something like that, but it's been on his mind for so long now, and he's not even really aware that he's said it as he continues to study Linhardt.]
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Yes, he's been called beautiful before. But this is the first time someone's said it in a way that actually sounds sincere and believable.
There he goes, losing that well-practiced air of confidence just when Hubert is beginning to feel more comfortable. It's as if he never actually thought this would happen, even as they discussed it.
Or maybe he's still feeling especially vulnerable from that near-death experience back in the woods. Whatever it is, Linhardt finds that he very much wants Hubert to touch him more. Much more.]
I'm glad you're here with me. [He reaches up his own hand, resting in top of the one touching his cheek.] I hope you'll stay with me for a long time.
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For as long as I'm able to.
[It isn't really a good enough answer, but for now... for now it'll have to do.
His free hand goes to Linhardt's waist, his touch light, almost like he's waiting for permission (or perhaps rejection). He presses closer, shifting his other hand a bit to angle Linhardt's face upwards. Thankfully Linhardt's one of their taller classmates; there isn't far to go to kiss him.
But even so, Hubert stops himself, studying Linhardt carefully for any sign that Linhardt wants him to stop.]
May I...? [He doesn't finish that, instead hesitating.]
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Better off in ignorance for now.
Hubert's touch is gentle, and Linhardt smiles softly at him when he tilts his face upward. He's waiting for the kiss, but... it doesn't come. Not yet.]
You don't need to ask before every little thing, Hubert.
[Which means Linhardt is just going to lean in himself and steal that kiss before Hubert has the opportunity. It's a brief one, little more than a peck, but at least it's a start.]
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But Linhardt isn't having it, and Hubert really can't complain when the result is the kiss he so desperately wants. It's a gentle, chaste peck, and that alone sets his heart hammering in his chest. He can scold himself for just how eager he is and how embarrassing all this must be later, but he's quick to press back in, returning that peck. It's still gentle, light, but lingering a bit. He's not experienced in this at all, but right now all he wants is to kiss Linhardt, and maybe that's enough.]
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Feeling Hubert move in for another kiss, Linhardt decides to lift a hand and press the palm against the back of his neck, fingers touching the bottom of his hair. His other hand finds Hubert's hip, holding on lightly while they experiment with soft, but increasingly lingering, kisses.
At some point he dares to run the tip of his tongue over his partner's bottom lip, teasing the idea of something more passionate.]
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He reflexively pulls Linhardt closer - not that there was a lot of room between them to begin with - and opens his mouth willingly, entirely too eager (desperate?) to deepen the kiss. He doesn't want to stop and think, right now all he wants is Linhardt and everything else can wait.]
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While Linhardt isn't entirely sure what to do now, he decides that continuing to play around and find out what feels best is the only reasonable course of action. With his grip on Hubert's hip tightening a bit, he rubs his tongue questioningly against the other's, then pulls back a bit to nip at his lip.
Linhardt can feel the heat radiating off of the other man, and the closeness of their bodies coupled with his excitement over their kissing is definitely making him hard in his pants. That little fact isn't going to stop him, however.]
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That's about when Hubert pulls back a bit to catch his breath, and his brain finally catches up to his actions.]
...Ah.
[Well. This certainly is a situation we've gotten ourselves into now, isn't it. He flushes a bit and his gaze darts.]
My apologies, I didn't mean to get carried away.
[Never mind that Linhardt is enjoying it just as much as he is.]
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But what?]
What's wrong?
[Maybe just asking him directly is the best thing to do.]
Do you want to stop?
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[No, of course he doesn't want to stop. But that doesn't mean he should continue. Hubert has been taught to always put Lady Edelgard first, especially above his own desires and wants. While this may not come back to bite him immediately, allowing himself to get this close could pose problems in the future.
But perhaps even more than that, there's something terrifying about opening himself up and letting someone else in. He's not sure he knows how to do that in the first place.
He should apologize and put this behind them. Just a mistake that neither of them will speak of again, and then he can move on and focus on what's really important: Lady Edelgard and her goals.]
I shouldn't...
[And even though that's what he should do, it feels like his throat closes up and the words refuse to come. He doesn't want to let Linhardt go. He doesn't want to turn his back on this. But how is he to manage this and Lady Edelgard's plans? He can't afford to split his focus.
Even worse, he'll be leading Linhardt on. He'll be pretending that they could actually be together when in reality, they can't. Not unless Linhardt sides with Lady Edelgard, and even then... Even then, he isn't sure that he wants to drag Linhardt into their war. If he could lock Linhardt safely away in a tower somewhere, he would. But no matter what, Linhardt will be dragged into the conflict, and it seems exceptionally unfair to try to persuade him to join Lady Edelgard's side like this.]
...I don't want to hurt you.
[And even though that's what it comes down to (at least in part), it wasn't something he really planned on saying. But it's out there now, and there's no taking it back. Hubert's gaze remains trained on the floor.]
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Of course.
Dropping his hands back to his sides, Linhardt takes a step back. He forces his expression into something more neutral, bored even, in complete conflict with the pain suddenly causing his chest to tighten as he comes to unpleasant conclusions.
This is always what happens, even if it's gone a bit farther than usual this time. Someone woos him with sweet words, tells him he's pretty, and then gets cold feet when they remember that he's actually male and they can't bring themselves to be intimate with him after all.
Surely that's what's happening now. Hubert had just been really convincing, and Linhardt allowed himself to fall for it without questioning. Maybe he should just blame himself by now for being naive.]
I asked you before, and you said you wanted this. Now you don't. I'm not here to play games with you, Hubert. If you don't want to hurt me, then don't. Just leave.
[He would deal with his anger and hurt feelings later, when he was alone. Not in front of Hubert.]
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Well, the words sting. They dig at him in a way most things never do, and for a brief moment he almost wants to argue, to prove Linhardt wrong. Maybe to prove himself wrong. But that's the sort of rash decision-making he can never allow. He can't act on impulse, especially not here when he knows everything will end poorly for Linhardt if he pursues.
So yes, Linhardt's right. If he doesn't want to hurt Linhardt, then leaving is the best option.
Hubert doesn't respond verbally. His gaze darts again for a moment, but he's already made up his mind. He turns to leave and does not allow himself time to second guess, or time to look back over his shoulder.
It's for the best, he tells himself. Linhardt will be angry with him, but it's better than leading him on.]