LOCKED TO blazingspirit

[diamondo]

[He doesn't remember much about his execution.

Oh sure, he remembers the lead-up to it; he remembers how the others looked on as he was led away and sure, he remembers Ishimaru's screams. He doesn't remember the death cage nor does he remember the sudden pain before it was all over.

It made waking up here incredibly confusing.

"Here" must be some sort of afterlife, but Mondo hasn't been able to figure out what it is, exactly. It's obviously not heaven (he's killed two people, he doesn't belong in heaven), but it doesn't seem to be hell either. Things are monotonous, yes, but they're not bad.

That leaves the option of purgatory, which Mondo is more or less fine with. It's better than spending an eternity suffering. It's probably not right for him to stay here instead of moving on to hell, but he doesn't know how or when that will happen. He's content to leave it at that for the time being.

This place is a rather large city - half of it is full of native English speakers, whom Mondo tends to avoid (his English is atrocious, after all), the other half is full of Japanese speakers. The city itself doesn't seem to be anywhere Mondo has ever seen, but it's large and spread out, with plenty to explore and do. Mondo hasn't seen everything there is to see though; he's only been here for a few weeks, and he knew if he wanted to make ends meet, he'd need a job first. Exploring could wait.

It's convenient that there's a carpenter's shop just down the road from the apartment Mondo woke up in. It might not technically be his, but he's been staying there until he can afford to properly rent it out. No one has complained so far, so he figures it's fine for the time being. The carpenter works him to the bone and he's never been so exhausted in his life when he comes home, but it's a good kind of exhaustion that means he's doing something productive. He can't make up for what he's done in the past, but he can help out here.

He's off work for the day, lounging around in what serves as the living room of his apartment, flipping through the newspaper. The dates here are all screwed up - it's almost winter here and he knows he'll have to put some money away toward buying proper winter clothes. That's only a minor concern though, because he has much bigger things to worry about.

In a city this large, it's possible that he's just missed seeing the others. He hasn't been looking very hard, admittedly. He's not sure what to say to them when he does see them. "Sorry" simply won't cut it for Fujisaki. He doesn't really want to see Kuwata, Enoshima, or Maizono either. He's sure it's only a matter of time before one of them finds him, or before someone else shows up here.

All he can do is hope that it won't be Ishimaru.]

Comments

[blazingspirit]

I know you will, kyoudai!

[He'll just return that hug, okay.]

I mean, I can't always tell you for sure what he'd say, but I...I remember him well enough to know what he'd think of shit. And he'd be really fuckin' proud of you.

[diamondo]

That means so fucking much to me. I... I want to do him proud. No matter what.

[blazingspirit]

Kyoudai, he'd be proud of you no matter what - what matters to him is that you keep doing well.

[...]

...mattered. What...mattered - you know what I mean, it's complicated shit!!

[He shakes his head a bit, as though to clear it, before moving on.]

Look, he'd just want you to be happy. That's what would be important to him, first and foremost. Don't worry about him; he always hated it when people worried about him.

[diamondo]

Yeah, but it's kinda difficult to stop worrying about someone you care about so much, y'know? But I get it. I'll keep on living and everything'll be fine!

[He'll just nuzzle Ishida for that, alright.]

Thanks. I really appreciate it.

[blazingspirit]

[He'll return that immediately! This is nice, okay, and he's...sorta really glad that he could make you happy.]

Hey, anytime. I love you and I do what I can.

[diamondo]

[Well that will just get more nuzzling!]

Yeah, well, I'll always appreciate it!

[blazingspirit]

[He laughs a bit at that.]

Don't mention it! Anytime you wanna...I don't know, talk to me about that sort of shit, I don't mind.

[diamondo]

You're so good to me. Consider that returned, then!

[He ruffles Ishida's hair affectionately.]

[blazingspirit]

Of course I'm gonna be good to you! Why wouldn't I be?

[So. Much. Nuzzling. Tho.

...god, you are not getting any sleep tonight, are you...]

[diamondo]

[n o p e]

Yeah, I know, it's just good to hear it. I really... care about you, y'know?

[WOW HE ALMOST SAID HE LOVED HIM and that would be just plain awkward now, wouldn't it...]

[blazingspirit]

...Yeah.

[He's still pleased with all of that, but he didn't miss that falter; Mondo usually doesn't, when it comes to saying shit like that.]

You okay?

[diamondo]

Y-Yeah, 'course I am!

[...He's so convincing, isn't he...]

I was just gonna say something else, but changed my mind at the last second, y'know? No big deal!

[blazingspirit]

[...are you trying to get his curiosity up here or]

Well, what the hell were you gonna say?!

[diamondo]

Nothing bad!! It's just... really awkward now, okay?

[blazingspirit]

...How?

[diamondo]

W-Well, I mean, with what I told you earlier... saying shit like that's not the same anymore.

[blazingspirit]

Wh -

[Oh.

...Oh.]

R-Right. I guess so.

[diamondo]

Y-Yeah.

[God, this is awkward.]

Sorry 'bout that.

[blazingspirit]

No, it's...

[why does this hurt so badly - ]

Don't worry about it!

[diamondo]

...You sure? I mean, it's not like I care about you any less or anything! It's just... saying it is really awkward...

[blazingspirit]

[Mnnnngh.]

I don't see why it should be.

[diamondo]

W-Well it could come off as meaning more than that, y'know?

[blazingspirit]

...Ah. Y-Yeah, I guess.

[He still doesn't get it and it's obvious, but he doesn't really feel like pushing, either.]

Look, we should probably sleep.

[diamondo]

[He's frustrated that he can't properly explain it, but he's fine with letting the subject drop for the time being.]

Yeah. Busy day tomorrow and all.

[He can't help but wonder what Ishida's going to say to that girl...]

[blazingspirit]

[In the end, Ishida doesn't say anything to her the next day; he waits until Mondo leaves for work, then calls into his own. He doesn't want to deal with Kirihara's damn eyes on him, wondering if he's made a decision or not yet, nor does he want to deal with Mondo immediately after being gone all day; doing this will ensure that he'll have the apartment to himself for a few hours, at least.

Of course, once he's done all that he's bored out of his skull within the first twenty minutes, but that's hardly the point. It's frustrating at first, but after a while he begins to relax a little; the longer he's left alone with his thoughts, the easier it is to regain some clarity and sort through them properly, and Mondo has given him a lot of thoughts to sort through.

Ishida has never been very good with his feelings, with identifying what they are and what they mean; even during that time he doesn't like thinking about, when he was still Ishimaru and before everything had gone to shit, his grasp on things like that had been...incredibly shaky. When it came to emotions then, he knew he had a lot of them but he didn't always get why, just that they were incredibly overwhelming; since the change, he's found himself defaulting to anger instead of properly dealing with everything, and while that's not very comfortable at the very least it's safe. But when it comes to the good things, that's not really an acceptable reaction; while he gets the urge to push back and get embarrassed when he gets too worked up, he can't really deny that what he has here with Mondo is definitely a good thing.

He also can't deny the fact that the night before, while he did like Kirihara a lot and was elated that she'd be interested in him, it'd crossed his mind that if it came down to being with her or leaving Mondo, he'd choose Mondo every time; it had hurt to think that he might not hear Mondo telling him that he loved him anymore, and there was also the part where while making Kirihara happy was a nice thing when it happened, he actively wanted to make Mondo happy.

It takes him a bit longer than it should to come to a conclusion; however, when he does it feels so right that he doesn't get how he didn't see it before.

There are other things to consider too, then - how he feels about certain things he is and isn't telling Mondo, whether he should explain them or not - and he has to take breaks from considering once in a while, to keep himself from getting too frustrated with the veritable Gordian Knot of feelings he's dealing with; in the end, though, he realizes that like all Gordian Knots, his problems are easily solvable - instead of tackling the knot itself, one just has to cut the string.

The only thing to do, then, is to wait until Mondo gets home; he's going to be anxious as hell until then, but he'll manage.

Somehow.]