LOCKED TO blazingspirit

[diamondo]

[He doesn't remember much about his execution.

Oh sure, he remembers the lead-up to it; he remembers how the others looked on as he was led away and sure, he remembers Ishimaru's screams. He doesn't remember the death cage nor does he remember the sudden pain before it was all over.

It made waking up here incredibly confusing.

"Here" must be some sort of afterlife, but Mondo hasn't been able to figure out what it is, exactly. It's obviously not heaven (he's killed two people, he doesn't belong in heaven), but it doesn't seem to be hell either. Things are monotonous, yes, but they're not bad.

That leaves the option of purgatory, which Mondo is more or less fine with. It's better than spending an eternity suffering. It's probably not right for him to stay here instead of moving on to hell, but he doesn't know how or when that will happen. He's content to leave it at that for the time being.

This place is a rather large city - half of it is full of native English speakers, whom Mondo tends to avoid (his English is atrocious, after all), the other half is full of Japanese speakers. The city itself doesn't seem to be anywhere Mondo has ever seen, but it's large and spread out, with plenty to explore and do. Mondo hasn't seen everything there is to see though; he's only been here for a few weeks, and he knew if he wanted to make ends meet, he'd need a job first. Exploring could wait.

It's convenient that there's a carpenter's shop just down the road from the apartment Mondo woke up in. It might not technically be his, but he's been staying there until he can afford to properly rent it out. No one has complained so far, so he figures it's fine for the time being. The carpenter works him to the bone and he's never been so exhausted in his life when he comes home, but it's a good kind of exhaustion that means he's doing something productive. He can't make up for what he's done in the past, but he can help out here.

He's off work for the day, lounging around in what serves as the living room of his apartment, flipping through the newspaper. The dates here are all screwed up - it's almost winter here and he knows he'll have to put some money away toward buying proper winter clothes. That's only a minor concern though, because he has much bigger things to worry about.

In a city this large, it's possible that he's just missed seeing the others. He hasn't been looking very hard, admittedly. He's not sure what to say to them when he does see them. "Sorry" simply won't cut it for Fujisaki. He doesn't really want to see Kuwata, Enoshima, or Maizono either. He's sure it's only a matter of time before one of them finds him, or before someone else shows up here.

All he can do is hope that it won't be Ishimaru.]

Comments

[blazingspirit]

[Ishida hesitates again, the pause long and awkward, but he eventually nuzzles up against him.]

...So are we okay now?

[diamondo]

[Mondo returns that nuzzling immediately.]

Yeah. 'Course we are.

[But it hurts to say that, to act like everything's okay when it really isn't. He doesn't want to lie to Ishida, but he can't exactly tell him the truth either. What matters most is that Ishida's happy, and he'll be happy with that girl. Maybe this is for the best.]

[blazingspirit]

...Can you at least tell me what I did? I get that you said you were pissed off at yourself and not me, but I...

[...he isn't sure how to finish that; there's not much of a way to finish that that doesn't sound strange, but he just kind of forces himself to continue anyway.]

People don't fucking act like they don't want to touch you if they aren't pissed at you.

[diamondo]

[Mondo winces, but he doesn't draw back. Instead he continues messing with Ishida's hair while he works out what to say.]

I wasn't pissed at you. I just... shit, I dunno. I didn't wanna touch you like this 'cause...

[He's going to have to tell him, isn't he? Mondo bites the inside of his lip while he tries to come up with some way around it. He can't. He finally takes a deep breath and sits up, though he still keeps a hand in Ishida's hair.]

I'm gonna tell you something, but you've gotta promise not to get too upset with me, alright?

[blazingspirit]

[Ishida tips his head a bit before sitting up as well, ducking out from under Mondo's hand and sliding back to brace his back against the headboard of the bed. He curls up, wrapping his arms around his knees where he's drawn them up against his chest; he's looking more curious than defensive, though.]

Yeah, of course, kyoudai - what is it?

[diamondo]

[Well, hopefully he can do this without shouting...]

I... shit, I really like you. Not as in... friend-like or anything like that. I mean, fuck, I do like you as a friend, that's not what I'm trying to say! I like like you, as in I'm jealous of that girl 'cause she gets to date you and I don't. That's why I'm so fucking pissed off, 'cause maybe if I'd said something sooner... fuck, I dunno.

[While he's not flat-out screaming, he's still much louder than he really needs to be. Mondo ducks his head and folds his arms, frowning.]

But I get that the most important thing is making sure that you're happy. So I'll... fuck, I dunno. I'll deal with it. I'll be fine.

[blazingspirit]

Wh...what?

[Well, whatever he'd been expecting, it had clearly been anything but that; for a long moment he just kind of stares, as though he's not even sure he's heard Mondo correctly.]

How long has that been going on?

[diamondo]

Um... a little while now... I don't really know when it started, it just sorta... occurred to me one day, y'know?

[Wow, this is way more awkward than he thought it would be!]

[blazingspirit]

Why didn't you tell me, then?

[diamondo]

'Cause I didn't wanna make things awkward between us, or... or fuck it up somehow! You know I'm not good with shit like this!

[Well, hopefully the neighbors aren't too fond of sleeping past three in the morning...]

[blazingspirit]

[If they don't like it, they can fucking move!!]

Why would this have made anything awkward?! It's more awkward not saying anything, isn't it?!

[diamondo]

No it-- Well maybe-- Fuck if I know!!

[Ughhh this is hard and no one understands!!]

I guess I should've told you sooner, but I couldn't figure out how to fucking say it, y'know!?

[blazingspirit]

[Mnnnnnnngh.]

W-Well...

[Well.]

What happens now?!

[diamondo]

Fuck if I know! But now you know, alright? I wasn't mad at you, I just wasn't sure what to do.

[blazingspirit]

[.............]

Can you at least tell me next time, instead of just...acting like you don't want anything to do with me?

[There's something tight in his voice; it's difficult to get the words out.]

...I don't fucking know what to say to you when you get like that, because everything I say is going to be wrong. So just...tell me what's going on next time, okay?!

[diamondo]

[Mondo opens his mouth to protest, to say that that's not true, that not everything would be wrong. He thinks about it for a moment though, and promptly shuts his mouth. Yes, no matter what Ishida had said he would have taken it badly. It doesn't help that Ishida tends to sound like he's angry, but it would have been Mondo misinterpreting or reading too deeply into things.]

...Yeah. I'll tell you if anything like this comes up again, alright? I mean, I doubt it will since there's... really not anything else I can think of that'd be anywhere near like this.

[blazingspirit]

It's like this whenever you get pissed off, though.

[There's nothing hurt or overly pointed in his words; it's another of those odd, detached statements.]

I never know what to say to you when you're pissed off, because nothing really seems to help - I don't know how to fix it, kyoudai.

[diamondo]

Ah, is it?

[That's a stupid question, of course it is. Mondo frowns.]

I wish I could say that there's something you could do to help me out, but most of the time there isn't. I usually just need some time to cool down on my own, y'know?

[blazingspirit]

Well, tell me that next time, and don't do this whole...freezing-me-out bullshit!

[He can hear himself starting to get defensive; he shuts up then, trying to get himself to calm down, though he's still shaking a little.]

[diamondo]

[Mondo wants to reach out and touch him, to at least try to comfort him somehow, but that would be awkward with what he's admitted, wouldn't it? He sits still, arms crossed instead.]

I'm... shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. You don't deserve that shit.

[blazingspirit]

...Look, that's how people would end shit with -

[me, but he cuts himself off before he can say it; it had felt more natural to go with that when he'd started, but that's not...right, is it? He'd never wanted friends.

He shakes his head a bit.]

...him. Ishimaru. They'd act okay with him for a while, and then they'd want nothing to do with him and they wouldn't fucking explain what he did. So I don't like it when people do that shit to me.

[diamondo]

[Mondo flinches at that and then decides against just sitting there, finally moving to touch Ishida's arm. There's no hesitance behind it.]

I'm sorry. Shit, no, that's not what I was trying to do. I'd never do something like that to you. You're always gonna be my friend.

[He can't exactly call Ishida his brother any more because of that stupid crush, but you know. Next best thing and all that.]

[blazingspirit]

...Yeah, I know you wouldn't do anything like that.

[He doesn't flinch away from that touch at all, though he doesn't do anything to respond to it; he's still shaking a little.]

I'm just being stupid, forget it.

[diamondo]

You know I'm not gonna forget it. It's obvious that it's bothering you. It must've hurt him a lot.

[Especially if it's bothering Ishida like this. Mondo moves closer after a moment, wrapping his arms around Ishida and pulling him close.]

I'm so fucking sorry. I'll never do that again, alright? You don't deserve that shit.

[blazingspirit]

...it's still stupid.

[That sounds sullen as hell, but he lets Mondo pull him over, at least; it takes him a moment, but he latches on eventually.]

It didn't happen, so I shouldn't be worked up about it. It's fine, kyoudai.