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LOCKED TO blazingspirit

[He doesn't remember much about his execution.

Oh sure, he remembers the lead-up to it; he remembers how the others looked on as he was led away and sure, he remembers Ishimaru's screams. He doesn't remember the death cage nor does he remember the sudden pain before it was all over.

It made waking up here incredibly confusing.

"Here" must be some sort of afterlife, but Mondo hasn't been able to figure out what it is, exactly. It's obviously not heaven (he's killed two people, he doesn't belong in heaven), but it doesn't seem to be hell either. Things are monotonous, yes, but they're not bad.

That leaves the option of purgatory, which Mondo is more or less fine with. It's better than spending an eternity suffering. It's probably not right for him to stay here instead of moving on to hell, but he doesn't know how or when that will happen. He's content to leave it at that for the time being.

This place is a rather large city - half of it is full of native English speakers, whom Mondo tends to avoid (his English is atrocious, after all), the other half is full of Japanese speakers. The city itself doesn't seem to be anywhere Mondo has ever seen, but it's large and spread out, with plenty to explore and do. Mondo hasn't seen everything there is to see though; he's only been here for a few weeks, and he knew if he wanted to make ends meet, he'd need a job first. Exploring could wait.

It's convenient that there's a carpenter's shop just down the road from the apartment Mondo woke up in. It might not technically be his, but he's been staying there until he can afford to properly rent it out. No one has complained so far, so he figures it's fine for the time being. The carpenter works him to the bone and he's never been so exhausted in his life when he comes home, but it's a good kind of exhaustion that means he's doing something productive. He can't make up for what he's done in the past, but he can help out here.

He's off work for the day, lounging around in what serves as the living room of his apartment, flipping through the newspaper. The dates here are all screwed up - it's almost winter here and he knows he'll have to put some money away toward buying proper winter clothes. That's only a minor concern though, because he has much bigger things to worry about.

In a city this large, it's possible that he's just missed seeing the others. He hasn't been looking very hard, admittedly. He's not sure what to say to them when he does see them. "Sorry" simply won't cut it for Fujisaki. He doesn't really want to see Kuwata, Enoshima, or Maizono either. He's sure it's only a matter of time before one of them finds him, or before someone else shows up here.

All he can do is hope that it won't be Ishimaru.]

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[Mondo startles when Ishida's voice suddenly rings through the shop, but he can't really stop the smile that comes with it. It's good to hear him again. He's quick to settle back into a more neutral expression though, turning to fully face his friend.]

Ah, really?

[No, now is not the time to get distracted!]

You might wanna take your break early, then. What do you wanna eat?

Yeah, really, I'll show you when we -

[...now isn't the fucking time.]

...look, figure out something to surprise me with while I get shit settled and then we can go, okay? I don't care where we go, but we aren't talking here.

[Last thing he needs is to get fired right now, after all.

He's quick to make arrangements with Kirihara, though, and it isn't long before he's rejoined Mondo, shrugging his coat on as he goes.

He still isn't sure how to feel about this and it's obvious; he seems content to remain fairly distant for now.]

Let's go.

[Mondo knows exactly where he's taking Ishida, but it'll probably seem horribly lame. Still, there are good memories associated with that Italian joint, and if he's perfectly honest, he's using that to hopefully persuade Ishida to come back home. He's not sure he can do it - apologies only go so far, after all - but that's what he's going to try to do.

He takes the lead once they're outside the store, jamming his hands in his pockets to keep from freezing. Of course, the usual coat isn't exactly thick enough for the winters here, so he's cold anyway, but he can handle that.

They arrive at the restaurant and Mondo chances a glance at Ishida before entering. Well. Here we go.]

Look, I... I wanted to apologize. All that shit I said? I was wrong. I don't think I've ever been as fucking wrong as I was about all that.

[They're thankfully seated in a back corner where they won't draw much attention to themselves (assuming they don't start yelling, that is) and Mondo leans his elbows on the table.]

I hadn't thought about it like that; that Daiya willingly gave his life so I could live, that you would've done the same. I'm so fucking sorry. I wish I could take back what I said. I... I know I've really hurt you with that.

[Ishida recognizes where Mondo's taking him; he'd avoided going there with Kirihara for the last week. It didn't feel right - not because it was a bad association in his mind, but because it was still a good one, something he wanted to keep between himself and Mondo and not share with anyone else, especially not when he wasn't sure what to think of Mondo himself for the time being.

Ishida leans back heavily in his seat while Mondo apologizes; he isn't sure what to say to all of it, and for a moment he hates the fact that there isn't really a good way to express that you hear what someone's saying and you get that they're trying to apologize and they're genuinely sorry without immediately defaulting to "It's okay" - because it isn't, not really, and it takes him a while to figure out a response.]

It just really...hurts. A lot. To think that if I'd...done what I wanted and saved you, that you'd...think you'd killed me. And that you didn't...deserve it. Because of that.

[His words are strange, halting, and he's fidgeting quite a bit while he speaks; he can't seem to keep and maintain eye contact.]

I mean, I...I guess I get where that would really fuck with you. Having someone do that. But it also really fucks with you if you want nothing more than to do...that. To be able to save someone. And to know that you can't. Or that you tried and it wasn't good enough.

[...]

I-I mean no matter who lives, they're going to be fucked up. It's a really...a really shit situation like that. It just twists the knife in really hard to think that you could want to save someone and they wouldn't...I don't know, they wouldn't want it. Because they think they don't deserve it. And they just think they should have died anyway.

[Mondo ducks his head after all that's out there; he is not going to get his eyes wet in public, goddammit.]

Like... like I said, I didn't think about it like that. I was just so wrapped up in my own interpretation of shit that I just... I didn't even think about it like that.

[He wants to reach out and touch Ishida. He wants to hug him and mess with his hair and promise him that everything will be okay from now on. He's not sure it will and he's not sure Ishida would even appreciate any of that, so he doesn't move to physically comfort Ishida. He does look up again once he's sure he's not suddenly going to start crying.]

I'm so fucking sorry. I... I'll never think like that again, okay? Or, well, if I do start thinking like that again, I can just remember what you've told me.

[It doesn't matter whether or not he deserves a second chance. He has one, and ending it would be cruel to Daiya and Ishimaru.]

I never should've snapped at you about that shit. I... fuck, I know saying I'm sorry over and over again won't do any good, but I'm not sure what else to say.

[He nods in response to all that, even if he is still staring at the table with an expression so severe you'd think it'd done something to him personally; he looks back up at Mondo for a brief moment before his gaze darts away again.]

It's a lot of shit to think about, y'know? And it...look, you're doing okay, I get what you're saying.

[...]

I-I'm sorry for breaking that promise I made you, by the way. About not...leaving you alone - are you okay?

[It briefly occurs to Mondo that he hasn't been mad at Ishida for breaking that promise. He's been more worried about him than anything else.]

Yeah, I'm fine. How have you been doing? I mean, I guess you must've found some place to stay and all that shit.

[He wants to ask if Ishida's going to stay there permanently. He wants to, but ultimately he doesn't.]

What? Yeah...?

[It takes him a while to work out what Mondo's actually talking about, though; obviously he's still in one piece, and that's what matters as far as he's concerned - it hadn't really occurred to him that Mondo had no way of knowing that until just now.]

...fuck. No, I've been okay! I've had somewhere to stay, it's...kind of really fucking cold otherwise, right?!

Well, yeah, I mean, I figured you found some place! I was just... kinda worried, y'know?

[He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. He doesn't want to make it sound like Ishida couldn't take care of himself, but god was he worried.]

Shit, no, I've been fine. I...I didn't think about that, but I'm good. I've got somewhere to stay, food and all that too. It's okay.

[...]

Sorry. For freaking you out.

It's alright, it's alright! I mean, I know you can take care of yourself, right? So there was no reason to be worried!

[...orz, okay. He isn't sure what to make of Ishida's statement that he has somewhere to stay as opposed to had, but maybe he's just reading too deeply into things.]

So uh... are you...

[Wow, this is really awkward.]

...Are you gonna stay there then?

Of course not! It's just a temporary arrangement, that's all!

[He really hasn't thought much about it, if he's going to be honest, but at least he knows that much for sure.]

[Mondo brightens up immediately.]

Ah, yeah? That's--

[Good to hear but he'll just pretend not to be that excited. That would just be embarrassing.]

Well, you're free to come home whenever you want. I-I mean, if you are coming home and not just looking for a permanent place.

[...orz]

[He falters a bit at that, though he's quick to try to recover himself.]

Y-Yeah, well!! I don't know where else I would go, anyway, and I...

[......]

I'd like that, all right!!

I'm glad to hear it!

[Yes, fine, he'll embarrass himself a bit, okay. He might have gone a bit red, but that's okay, Ishida's coming back eventually!!]

All your stuff's still there, so you can come back whenever you feel like it.

All right, then!

[He hesitates briefly after that's out there, though.]

You're really not mad at me, then?

Why would I be? You pointed out shit I hadn't thought about and then you needed time to cool off. I wouldn't be mad at you for something like that.

[...yes, it really is that simple.]

...Huh. Well, if you're sure!

[...speaking of things being really that simple, jesus.]

Look, we can talk about this later, if you want, but I should probably get back to work before somebody flips their shit over it - I'll see you tonight, yeah?

Yeah, of course. I'll be waiting for you!

[And he certainly will be! He's kind of like a well-trained dog. He'll just sit by the door and wait for Ishida to come home!!]

[Ishida's running a bit later than usual that evening, due to having to pick up what stuff he had at Kirihara's; he isn't sure what to do with it when she offers to walk back with him, and he ends up letting her do it just because he suspects she'll be freaking out over the situation unless he lets her see that he's actually returning to an apartment where he and Mondo live like sane people (as opposed to whatever hell she's surely picturing, given the force of the argument he'd had with Mondo earlier).

He doesn't invite her in, but he does talk to her for a moment outside. It's awkward, since there's no real way to tell her to leave without fucking up somehow; he has to promise her a multitude of things first (yes, he's fine; yes, he's sure; yes, he'll call if shit gets bad; yes, if he can't call he'll just show up or something; yes, he remembers where she lives), but eventually she wanders off and Ishida can finally let himself inside.

...jfc where did you come from - ]

Holy...shit, kyoudai, hi - were you waiting or something?

I said I'd be waiting for you!

[Like this isn't weird at all...]

Who was that? Your coworker?

[He grins at Ishida, but the previous sense of teasing is entirely gone. He's just glad to have his brother home again.]

Ah...yeah, that was Kirihara. She just wanted to make sure I...got here fine. And all.

[...you are the happiest thing, good lord. Ishida will just give you a bit of a strange look for that.]

I didn't think you'd literally be waiting - everything okay?

[He suspects there's more to it than that, but Mondo is perfectly content not to question it for now.]

Yeah, 'course everything's okay! Why wouldn't it be?

[Just ignore how he's practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, okay.

He's just really happy that you're here, okay.]

[Not exactly, it's just really awkward...

Either way, though, he smirks a bit, reaching out to slap Mondo on the back with the hand that's not currently holding a bag full of random assorted shit he's brought over.]

Well, you can relax then, yeah? Keep it up and you're gonna sprain something!

[He'll laugh at that, reaching out to gently shove Ishida in return.]

Am not! C'mon, you know me better than that! It takes a hell of a lot more than that to injure me!

[He finally moves to throw an arm around Ishida's shoulders, squeezing tightly for a moment before letting up, though he doesn't let go.]

I missed you, kyoudai.

[It's said affectionately though; he's obviously not mad.]

LOCKED TO blazingspirit

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