locked to manufactured

[scythegun]

[When Wesker didn't contact him a day ago he was worried, but worry has quickly turned to fear and Jaeger's never been good at dealing with fear. Repeated attempts to reach Wesker have failed, so Jaeger's taken it on himself to go looking for his boyfriend.

Thankfully Wesker cuts a distinctive figure and Jaeger's able to trace his location to the outskirts of the city. He's worried that he's going to find that something's happened to Wesker, that he'll be injured or dying, or maybe even already dead—

But that isn't the case, and when he finds Wesker the man looks perfectly fine.]

Albert!

[He'll approach immediately; the worry and concern is probably obvious just from that exclamation alone, but once he gets close he speaks up again.]

Are you okay? What are you doing out here?

[If Wesker will let him get close enough, he'll reach out to touch Wesker's arm, as he usually does.]

Comments

[scythegun]

...It isn't something you're seriously planning on doing now, is it?

[manufactured]

I'm not going to attempt without a plan; I'm a patient person.

But I am entirely serious about it.

[scythegun]

[...He really hopes Wesker gets his memories back soon...]

I thought so. Just... be careful, please.

[He doesn't think he can talk Wesker out of it right now. Maybe the idea will fall through, or maybe he'll remember and stop all of this. That's what Jaeger's hoping for, anyway. He doesn't think Retrospec would be able to kill Wesker, but who knows how that would actually go...]

[manufactured]

[...He tends to receive a lot of different reactions to his plans. Some are accepting or encouraging; some are dissenting. Some are an odd mixture of both.

He's only had one other person express concern for his well-being like that before, and he very suddenly seems to realize that he doesn't know what to do with that.]

...I'll be fine, I'm sure.

[scythegun]

I know you can live through almost anything, but...

[He trails off there, then shakes his head.]

I would hate to see something happen to you.

[manufactured]

...I handled Umbrella. I can handle this.

[What are you doing...?]

[scythegun]

[...]

Just... Please be careful.

[Don't die on me, he wants to say. Don't leave me.]

[manufactured]

[...]

Don't worry, I'll take care of your boyfriend for you. It's his memories you care about.

[That's what this is, isn't it?]

[scythegun]

I don't want to see anything happen to you either.

[It's absolutely true that he cares more about his boyfriend's memories, but seeing anything happen to this Wesker would break him too.]

[manufactured]

Yes, I'm sure.

[That's...agitated, almost annoyed in tone; it's clear that he doesn't believe it.]

[scythegun]

[He understands why Wesker doesn't believe him. He's honestly not sure there's any way to get Wesker to believe him either. He might just have to let this go.]

...I know you probably won't believe me, but I mean it. I would hate to see anything happen to you. It's not just because of my boyfriend's memories; I was very upset after leaving you, after all.

I'm not very good at explaining it, but the idea bothers me a lot.

[...He's not very good at letting things go.]

[manufactured]

If I die, he dies with me. I understand.

[He knows that Jaeger said that wasn't it, but he doesn't understand what else it might be; everyone who expresses concern for him in some way wants something, and he doesn't know what Jaeger could want from him that isn't this.

So he sounds agitated, yes, but it's from a place of genuine lack of understanding as well as annoyance; he makes himself stop for a moment. Breathe.]

[scythegun]

That's not...

[How does he explain this? He's not even fully sure he understands it himself, how is he supposed to explain it to Wesker?]

Well, that's part of it, yes. But even if you were a completely different person, I still wouldn't want to see anything happen to you. Even if you never regain his memories, I wouldn't want you to be hurt. You're the same person in some ways and that does make things complicated, but I don't want to see any harm come to you. And yes, I know that it's not likely that they'll be able to do anything to you that you can't recover from, but I'm nervous anyway.

[His voice is remaining calm at least, though he's pulling at the edge of his gloves anxiously as he speaks. He can't quite physically settle because he can't find a way to describe this in any sort of satisfying way.]

[manufactured]

[His gaze darts a bit at that; it's obvious that he's processing, that he's trying to think of something at least halfway comparable to this so that he can settle a bit, and when he mind finally settles on something he's not sure what to think of it. It's something he hasn't thought about in years, but...]

...I won't die.

[It's blunted, and it's likewise agitated, but this time it's clearly more frustration with trying to express this at all.]

I'm not going to die, you won't just...lose me, it's going to be fine.

[scythegun]

[Jaeger's breath catches and it takes him a moment longer than he'd really like for him to steady his breathing again.]

...Thank you. I... It's appreciated.

[Which is possibly the biggest understatement, but words are sort of difficult right now.]

[manufactured]

[Is that really all...? He just wanted him to- ]

Of course, Jaeger. I won't do anything that's willingly walking to my death; you aren't going to just lose me like that.

[scythegun]

No, I... I know. I can't imagine you doing something like that, it's just...

[...]

I don't want to lose you.

[He's gone very quiet with those words.]

[manufactured]

[This is bothering him for a few reasons, really - some related to that realization regarding the incident years ago, some related to the fact that he just doesn't know what to do when someone gets emotional on him like this, because he just doesn't deal with emotional people.

He hates it when people touch him. But he's initiated it from time to time and it hasn't been the end of the world; he's just sparing with it. And while he doesn't exactly care about Jaeger, he understands that the man must be important to him now in some way, even if he doesn't remember it.

So for now he just...reaches out, and if he's allowed he'll let his hand settle against Jaeger's hair, stroking back softly because what the fuck else should he be doing right now.]

[scythegun]

[Jaeger goes still when Wesker reaches out. He watches curiously, wondering where exactly this is going, but he certainly doesn't expect that hand to end up in his hair. This Wesker doesn't like physical contact, right? So why is he...

Has he remembered? No, no of course not. If he remembered, he'd say something about it. But this is...

It's unfair, that's what it is. Jaeger finds himself slowly relaxing despite how his mind is racing, and eventually he leans into it a bit. He still looks a bit startled, but this is... nice. It's really nice. He can almost forget about everything else and pretend for a moment that Wesker remembers and—

But Wesker doesn't remember, and that's causing his chest to feel very, very tight.]

...You used to do this all the time.

[The words are barely above a whisper; he's not even sure he spoke them aloud.]

[manufactured]

Do you want me to stop...?

[He doesn't particularly care, but the gesture is intended to be calming; while it does seem to be doing that well enough, he can imagine where this would be distressing, and-

God, it feels like he's getting too invested in this. This is all just pretend, isn't it? Something fake that this man is using him for until he can have what he wants again; there's no more genuine emotion there than Wesker had for Excella in the end.

And besides, even if there were some sort of affection, it's not as though "but you were nice to me" has ever had any effect on him. The most it got Jill was three years of torture.

But he had kept Jill, in the end. Hadn't he?

He doesn't like that line of thought.

He should pull away and he knows it, but just the same he finds himself waiting for Jaeger's answer; he'll move if he's told to, otherwise...well. He'll see.]

[scythegun]

[He really should tell Wesker to stop. They're similar, sure, but this isn't his boyfriend and blurring the lines even further like this can't be a good thing, can it? But even though he knows he should tell Wesker to stop...]

No. Please don't stop.

[There's something a bit too desperate in his voice, but right now he can't really bring himself to care. He's missed Wesker so badly and he's missed the physical contact like this and he's just been so alone... He doesn't know how to handle it. This definitely isn't the right way to go about it, but right now he can't think of anything he wants more.]

[manufactured]

[He doesn't say anything at that; he just nods and shifts a bit, moving closer on the couch so the gesture is less awkward to carry out. It's still strange, the sort of thing he's obviously not used to doing for any prolonged period of time, but for now he tries to seem at least slightly affectionate with it, running his hand back and tousling the back of Jaeger's hair lightly between his fingers before moving forward to repeat the motion over again.

He hasn't missed the desperation in Jaeger's voice; he doesn't know what to do with it, if he's honest. It's something he'll remember for later, maybe; for now he doesn't comment, he just does as he's asked.]

[scythegun]

[Good. He doesn't want to answer any questions or even think about any of this, honestly. He just wants to let himself enjoy it for a bit and he can deal with everything else later.

It is relaxing and it doesn't take long for him to shift a bit and lean into it properly, closing his eyes as he does so. It's a bit awkward, yes, but it's still something and he sort of needs it right now.

It's funny how Wesker still knows when he needs this, even though he doesn't remember it. Maybe that sort of thing just sticks with you.]

[manufactured]

[He won't pull away from what he's doing, even if this is setting off something unpleasant in his head; this is too close, it's too much, he should stop encouraging it but just the same, there's something small and persistent in the back of his mind that he can't quite shake.

When was the last time you allowed yourself to have anything like this?

He won't say that he needs it, because he's never needed anything like this. But it's striking him oddly, making it far too difficult for him to convince himself to stop. He doesn't like the loss of control but he can't bring himself to break the contact; he doesn't know what he should think.

When was the last time...?]

...This is nice, isn't it.

[He hates it, but it's nice just the same.]

[scythegun]

...It is.

[For a moment he leaves it at that, just enjoying it. Some part of him is aware that this is pretty strange for Wesker - well, this Wesker - but he doesn't want to question the motives behind it. He just wants things to be okay for a little while.

He's not really sure what prompts him to keep talking, but his tone is still relaxed and quiet, for once.]

I've always been fond of physical affection. It's something I can never get enough of.