locked to manufactured

[scythegun]

[When Wesker didn't contact him a day ago he was worried, but worry has quickly turned to fear and Jaeger's never been good at dealing with fear. Repeated attempts to reach Wesker have failed, so Jaeger's taken it on himself to go looking for his boyfriend.

Thankfully Wesker cuts a distinctive figure and Jaeger's able to trace his location to the outskirts of the city. He's worried that he's going to find that something's happened to Wesker, that he'll be injured or dying, or maybe even already dead—

But that isn't the case, and when he finds Wesker the man looks perfectly fine.]

Albert!

[He'll approach immediately; the worry and concern is probably obvious just from that exclamation alone, but once he gets close he speaks up again.]

Are you okay? What are you doing out here?

[If Wesker will let him get close enough, he'll reach out to touch Wesker's arm, as he usually does.]

Comments

[manufactured]

I'm doing well enough. I think I have enough figured out that the memory loss isn't completely apparent to most people at this point.

[There's a pause, and then another.]

Are you all right?

[scythegun]

I'm glad you're doing well. I'm sure this isn't easy.

[He hesitates for a moment before deciding to answer the second text honestly. He could probably pretend to be fine and Wesker would let him get away with it, but it's late at night and right now he doesn't want to pretend.]

To be honest, I haven't been doing very well. I'm having trouble sleeping and I can't seem to focus or concentrate on anything for very long. I can't stop worrying.

[Another pause.]

I feel guilty for leaving you.

[manufactured]

[It takes him a while to answer.]

Why would you feel guilty?

[scythegun]

[...]

Because you're so important to me. Because I don't want to leave you alone. Because you don't remember any of this. I could probably come up with a few more, but it's pretty late.

[manufactured]

I can handle being on my own. There are worse things than being alone, in my experience.

[There's a pause, though. Then another.]

I won't turn you away, if you come back.

[scythegun]

[That text probably shouldn't make his heart pound, but it does. His hands are shaking and it takes him a moment to get that under control before he can finally respond.]

Thank you. I'm not sure I have the words to express just how much that means to me.

[He shouldn't go back though, should he? Staying away from Wesker keeps him safe, which is what his Wesker wanted. Going back means putting himself at risk of being hurt, but...

Well, he certainly can't deny that this is making his heart race, at least.]

[manufactured]

Of course.

You don't have to be afraid of me, you know.

[scythegun]

I don't want to be. You're very important to me, so I'll work on overcoming it.

[A healthy amount of fear is fine given what Wesker said to him, but running and hiding like this is a bit much, right?]

[manufactured]

It's good to hear it.

I've been trying to find some way to remember what I've lost. Nothing has worked so far, but that doesn't mean nothing will.

[scythegun]

[You know, he wasn't actually expecting that. He just sort of assumed that this Wesker was only curious about his life here and didn't have any plans of actually trying to remember anything. It's good to hear he was wrong, and it takes him a moment to respond.]

It might be good to try to contact Retrospec. Zee is the only one we can talk to right now, I believe, but he might have some answers.

And even if he doesn't, it's possible your memories will return in time. I really hope they do.

[manufactured]

Possibly. I don't know how willing I am to talk to one of the people responsible for this, however.

[scythegun]

I don't blame you for that. I haven't spoken to him either.

[manufactured]

Apparently I've spoken to him once before; I found the conversation a while ago.

[scythegun]

Oh? I do remember you mentioning that you were going to get in contact with him, but I didn't realize you did.

[manufactured]

There wasn't much said that would be useful to me. It confirmed what I told you before, however, regarding my apparent fear of what needs to come to pass; it was to an extent where Mr. Carlisle seemed concerned for my well-being. He was asking how much I hated myself; things like that.

[scythegun]

[That sends a chill down his spine, but the fear isn't entirely centered on Wesker's plans for judging humanity.]

What did you say?

[It occurs to him after he hits send that maybe he shouldn't ask. If Wesker didn't tell him, there must have been a reason behind it. It could be as simple as "he didn't want Jaeger to worry" but even so... it feels sort of wrong to ask this Wesker about it.]

It might not be my place to know, though. Forget I asked.

[manufactured]

It was nothing that you don't know, I assume. I said that I hate myself as much as someone should upon discovering they tried to end the world.

[scythegun]

[He knows. He knows, but it still hurts to see it stated so plainly. He wonders if Wesker will ever feel like that again.]

Yes, you told me about that. I wish I could have helped more.

[manufactured]

[Again, there's a pause before he replies.]

It seems to have been something I dwelled on a lot. The fear and self-hatred. Did I feel like that often?

[He isn't entirely sure he wants a genuine answer to that; even through text, it's obviously awkward and difficult to ask. But it feels dishonest not to know - like he's turning away from something vital about himself - and that's never been something he finds acceptable.]

[scythegun]

Yes. You were very upset about many of the things you remembered. I did what I could for you, of course, but you were suffering.

Things had started looking up, though. You were feeling better, though I'm sure the fear and self-hatred were still present.

[It's surprisingly easy to type all that out, though it still hurts to send it. These are things he should remember. It's terrifying to think he might not ever remember them, but it's been much longer than when Wesker went missing in Bosuma. There might not be any recovering from this.

...It's not something he wants to think about right now.]

[manufactured]

I see.

I don't remember many instances of doubting myself; I've always been confident in my decisions and who I am, regardless of what was happening around me. It led to many difficult situations, and forced me to make choices I didn't often care for. But I never internalized it. I don't think I could afford to.

There was only one time I can remember when things were...bad, like that. Even so, I found something to hold onto that would keep me more or less together, because it isn't as though I had much choice but to continue.

[It isn't much, in the scheme of things. But it's more open than he's been with Jaeger since all of this happened.]

[scythegun]

[To be honest, he wasn't expecting Wesker to open up to him, even a little bit. This is much more than he was expecting, and it makes his heart ache.]

You certainly weren't always like this here. It's been painful to watch and be unable to help.

What happened that one time?

[Was it Spencer...?]

[manufactured]

It was when I first was told about my purpose. Not the one I decided for myself, but one that someone else decided for me.

When I was very young, someone kidnapped me and harmed me rather badly. I was made to kill my siblings - other children that had been taken but weren't as strong as I was and had difficulties adapting to what we were put through. After a while, I was selected to serve the man who did that to me.

I was experimented on, and several things were planted in my mind to limit my capacity for free will. My thoughts and desires were all dictated by someone else, until I finally broke free of the conditioning and left. Even so, I don't know how much of my actions were something that I truly wanted and how much were what was chosen for me.

It hardly matters anymore. Wherever my thoughts originated from, the fact is that they're mine, in the end. I serve no one, and I've made my own choices about what should be done with the world. But the person who did that to me... He summoned me to him to tell me about it. To tell me how special I was, by way of telling me how special he was for having "created" me. He outlined the process and told me that I was someone who had been...produced, for lack of a better term. Manufactured.

It did unpleasant things to me, knowing that.

[scythegun]

[So that's the whole story, laid out in calm, chilling detail. Every single part of it is horrifying and Jaeger's hands are shaking by the time he tries to type out a response. He takes a moment to try to calm himself down before he manages anything.]

I'm so sorry. I've heard bits and pieces of this before, but I didn't know the whole story. I wish I knew what to say, but I don't think there's anything anyone could say to make any of this any better.

Is there anything I can do for you?

[He's sure Wesker - this one at least - isn't as torn up about it anymore. If he was, Jaeger doubts he would have laid all this out for him. Still, it's terrifying to hear and he wants nothing more than to be by Wesker's side right now.

Though he supposes physical contact wouldn't be appreciated anyway, so it's not like being there would do much.]

[manufactured]

It's fine now. I don't truly remember anything that happened, only what I was told.

As much as I hate the man responsible, he's the reason I've come as far as I have. While I'll never forgive him for it and believe he deserves what he received, I do admit appreciation for that much.