locked to manufactured

[scythegun]

[When Wesker didn't contact him a day ago he was worried, but worry has quickly turned to fear and Jaeger's never been good at dealing with fear. Repeated attempts to reach Wesker have failed, so Jaeger's taken it on himself to go looking for his boyfriend.

Thankfully Wesker cuts a distinctive figure and Jaeger's able to trace his location to the outskirts of the city. He's worried that he's going to find that something's happened to Wesker, that he'll be injured or dying, or maybe even already dead—

But that isn't the case, and when he finds Wesker the man looks perfectly fine.]

Albert!

[He'll approach immediately; the worry and concern is probably obvious just from that exclamation alone, but once he gets close he speaks up again.]

Are you okay? What are you doing out here?

[If Wesker will let him get close enough, he'll reach out to touch Wesker's arm, as he usually does.]

Comments

[manufactured]

...Of course.

[He doesn't move to see him out, and his tone is fairly clear in intent - just...go, if you're going to.]

[scythegun]

[He'll take his leave then, without saying goodbye or looking back. His hands shake against the doorknob and even once he's in his car he can't quite calm down. Wesker's manor has gone from being the safest place in the world to the last place he wants to be.

He thinks he understands why Wesker was so concerned about hurting him now. Even if this Wesker isn't intentionally trying to hurt him, he's going to manage it at some point. He just needs to get out, to go home.

But you're leaving him, Some small part of him pipes up, unbidden, you promised you'd never leave him and look at what you're doing now. You're running away, just like you always do.

He doesn't allow himself to think about it, he just turns the car on and backs out of the driveway.

...

Days slip by without Jaeger noticing, and soon a whole week has passed since he left Wesker's manor. Since he left Wesker. Wesker hasn't tried to get in contact with him, so Jaeger can only assume that Wesker's memories haven't returned. He's probably going to be like this forever, isn't he?

And Jaeger ran away when things started getting tough, just like always.

To be honest, he's still scared of Wesker. But he doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want Wesker to be alone, and he's honestly not sure if he's more afraid of Wesker, or of being left alone. Either way, things are bad and it's taking a toll on Jaeger.

His employees have all noticed that something's wrong, and no amount of smiling and reassuring them that he's fine is going to cut it anymore. He has to do something, and this comes to a head about a week and a half after leaving Wesker.

He's been having trouble sleeping, and it's late one night that he makes the mistake of checking through his messages. Old conversations with Wesker catch his attention, and before he knows it he's once again worked up over leaving. He did what he thought was right in the moment, but was it really? Shouldn't he have stayed put and tried to work through it?

...He doesn't know, but he ends up typing a message up anyway.]

Albert,
I'm sorry for disappearing on you. I should have gotten in contact with you sooner. To be honest, what you said scared me and even now I'm not sure how to respond. I really am sorry about leaving though, especially without giving you any sort of explanation.

[He shouldn't send it. He should delete it and try to sleep. This isn't going to go anywhere and he knows it. Wesker isn't the same man he once was, and it's likely he never will be again. He promised his Wesker that he wouldn't allow himself to get hurt, and he's managed that so far. If he sends this, he's just opening that possibility up again, and who knows if he'll be able to get out this time.

He closes his eyes and presses send.]

[manufactured]

[The response isn't immediate. But eventually, there is a response.]

It's fine. You weren't particularly subtle about it.

Don't let it concern you.

[scythegun]

[To be honest, he's sort of surprised he receives a response. Some part of him hoped he wouldn't, but he's all too quick to read the text over several times and come up with one of his own. He doesn't hesitate to press send this time.]

It's going to concern me anyway. I always worry.

How are you doing? Are you settling in okay?

[manufactured]

I'm doing well enough. I think I have enough figured out that the memory loss isn't completely apparent to most people at this point.

[There's a pause, and then another.]

Are you all right?

[scythegun]

I'm glad you're doing well. I'm sure this isn't easy.

[He hesitates for a moment before deciding to answer the second text honestly. He could probably pretend to be fine and Wesker would let him get away with it, but it's late at night and right now he doesn't want to pretend.]

To be honest, I haven't been doing very well. I'm having trouble sleeping and I can't seem to focus or concentrate on anything for very long. I can't stop worrying.

[Another pause.]

I feel guilty for leaving you.

[manufactured]

[It takes him a while to answer.]

Why would you feel guilty?

[scythegun]

[...]

Because you're so important to me. Because I don't want to leave you alone. Because you don't remember any of this. I could probably come up with a few more, but it's pretty late.

[manufactured]

I can handle being on my own. There are worse things than being alone, in my experience.

[There's a pause, though. Then another.]

I won't turn you away, if you come back.

[scythegun]

[That text probably shouldn't make his heart pound, but it does. His hands are shaking and it takes him a moment to get that under control before he can finally respond.]

Thank you. I'm not sure I have the words to express just how much that means to me.

[He shouldn't go back though, should he? Staying away from Wesker keeps him safe, which is what his Wesker wanted. Going back means putting himself at risk of being hurt, but...

Well, he certainly can't deny that this is making his heart race, at least.]

[manufactured]

Of course.

You don't have to be afraid of me, you know.

[scythegun]

I don't want to be. You're very important to me, so I'll work on overcoming it.

[A healthy amount of fear is fine given what Wesker said to him, but running and hiding like this is a bit much, right?]

[manufactured]

It's good to hear it.

I've been trying to find some way to remember what I've lost. Nothing has worked so far, but that doesn't mean nothing will.

[scythegun]

[You know, he wasn't actually expecting that. He just sort of assumed that this Wesker was only curious about his life here and didn't have any plans of actually trying to remember anything. It's good to hear he was wrong, and it takes him a moment to respond.]

It might be good to try to contact Retrospec. Zee is the only one we can talk to right now, I believe, but he might have some answers.

And even if he doesn't, it's possible your memories will return in time. I really hope they do.

[manufactured]

Possibly. I don't know how willing I am to talk to one of the people responsible for this, however.

[scythegun]

I don't blame you for that. I haven't spoken to him either.

[manufactured]

Apparently I've spoken to him once before; I found the conversation a while ago.

[scythegun]

Oh? I do remember you mentioning that you were going to get in contact with him, but I didn't realize you did.

[manufactured]

There wasn't much said that would be useful to me. It confirmed what I told you before, however, regarding my apparent fear of what needs to come to pass; it was to an extent where Mr. Carlisle seemed concerned for my well-being. He was asking how much I hated myself; things like that.

[scythegun]

[That sends a chill down his spine, but the fear isn't entirely centered on Wesker's plans for judging humanity.]

What did you say?

[It occurs to him after he hits send that maybe he shouldn't ask. If Wesker didn't tell him, there must have been a reason behind it. It could be as simple as "he didn't want Jaeger to worry" but even so... it feels sort of wrong to ask this Wesker about it.]

It might not be my place to know, though. Forget I asked.

[manufactured]

It was nothing that you don't know, I assume. I said that I hate myself as much as someone should upon discovering they tried to end the world.

[scythegun]

[He knows. He knows, but it still hurts to see it stated so plainly. He wonders if Wesker will ever feel like that again.]

Yes, you told me about that. I wish I could have helped more.

[manufactured]

[Again, there's a pause before he replies.]

It seems to have been something I dwelled on a lot. The fear and self-hatred. Did I feel like that often?

[He isn't entirely sure he wants a genuine answer to that; even through text, it's obviously awkward and difficult to ask. But it feels dishonest not to know - like he's turning away from something vital about himself - and that's never been something he finds acceptable.]

[scythegun]

Yes. You were very upset about many of the things you remembered. I did what I could for you, of course, but you were suffering.

Things had started looking up, though. You were feeling better, though I'm sure the fear and self-hatred were still present.

[It's surprisingly easy to type all that out, though it still hurts to send it. These are things he should remember. It's terrifying to think he might not ever remember them, but it's been much longer than when Wesker went missing in Bosuma. There might not be any recovering from this.

...It's not something he wants to think about right now.]

[manufactured]

I see.

I don't remember many instances of doubting myself; I've always been confident in my decisions and who I am, regardless of what was happening around me. It led to many difficult situations, and forced me to make choices I didn't often care for. But I never internalized it. I don't think I could afford to.

There was only one time I can remember when things were...bad, like that. Even so, I found something to hold onto that would keep me more or less together, because it isn't as though I had much choice but to continue.

[It isn't much, in the scheme of things. But it's more open than he's been with Jaeger since all of this happened.]