pokebox | LOCKED TO blazingspirit

LOCKED TO blazingspirit

[He doesn't remember much about his execution.

Oh sure, he remembers the lead-up to it; he remembers how the others looked on as he was led away and sure, he remembers Ishimaru's screams. He doesn't remember the death cage nor does he remember the sudden pain before it was all over.

It made waking up here incredibly confusing.

"Here" must be some sort of afterlife, but Mondo hasn't been able to figure out what it is, exactly. It's obviously not heaven (he's killed two people, he doesn't belong in heaven), but it doesn't seem to be hell either. Things are monotonous, yes, but they're not bad.

That leaves the option of purgatory, which Mondo is more or less fine with. It's better than spending an eternity suffering. It's probably not right for him to stay here instead of moving on to hell, but he doesn't know how or when that will happen. He's content to leave it at that for the time being.

This place is a rather large city - half of it is full of native English speakers, whom Mondo tends to avoid (his English is atrocious, after all), the other half is full of Japanese speakers. The city itself doesn't seem to be anywhere Mondo has ever seen, but it's large and spread out, with plenty to explore and do. Mondo hasn't seen everything there is to see though; he's only been here for a few weeks, and he knew if he wanted to make ends meet, he'd need a job first. Exploring could wait.

It's convenient that there's a carpenter's shop just down the road from the apartment Mondo woke up in. It might not technically be his, but he's been staying there until he can afford to properly rent it out. No one has complained so far, so he figures it's fine for the time being. The carpenter works him to the bone and he's never been so exhausted in his life when he comes home, but it's a good kind of exhaustion that means he's doing something productive. He can't make up for what he's done in the past, but he can help out here.

He's off work for the day, lounging around in what serves as the living room of his apartment, flipping through the newspaper. The dates here are all screwed up - it's almost winter here and he knows he'll have to put some money away toward buying proper winter clothes. That's only a minor concern though, because he has much bigger things to worry about.

In a city this large, it's possible that he's just missed seeing the others. He hasn't been looking very hard, admittedly. He's not sure what to say to them when he does see them. "Sorry" simply won't cut it for Fujisaki. He doesn't really want to see Kuwata, Enoshima, or Maizono either. He's sure it's only a matter of time before one of them finds him, or before someone else shows up here.

All he can do is hope that it won't be Ishimaru.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

H-Hey, it's okay, kyoudai. It's okay. I'm sorry for saying that shit; I really didn't mean to hurt you, okay? And... fuck, I'm sorry about what happened in the school. None of that should've happened to either of you.

[He reaches up to run a hand through Ishida's hair since he seems to like it and it seems to calm him down. Those frustrated cries hurt for some reason and he hopes calming Ishida down will stop those cries.]

[While he's far from settling properly, that hair-playing at least gets him to calm down a little, his breathing seeming to deepen and become a bit more even than the jagged bursts that had been escaping him moments before; those strange sounds eventually slow in frequency before coming to a stop entirely, and after a moment he seems to find words again.]

...Y-You don't...have to be sorry. It's okay.

[His grip tightens a bit, though.]

I'm not...I'm not Ishimaru anymore. That's what I've been trying to tell you. H-He isn't...

[Just. Let him cling to you, okay.]

[Of course he has to be sorry. If he hadn't killed Fujisaki, Ishida wouldn't have to exist. He doubts Ishida would be pleased to hear that though, so he simply lets it go for the time being, continuing to play with Ishida's hair.]

...He's not going to come back, is he?

[He's not sure how he knows this, but that's what Ishida was going to say, isn't it? Ishimaru's gone. Mondo's grip tightens on Ishida reflexively and he'd do anything to have that be proven wrong.]

[He can feel Mondo's grip tightening on him, and all at once he understands why; it hurts far deeper than the actual question ever could have.]

...I don't...think he is, kyoudai, he's gone.

Edited 2013-08-18 07:31 (UTC)

[He tries to keep from clinging because he knows it won't do any good and he'll just hurt Ishida, but he can't stop himself. He latches on and buries his face in Ishida's shoulder because he knows he's going to cry.

It's not fair. Ishimaru is already dead back in Hope's Peak. Why does he have to be dead here too? That's what it is, right? He's dead. Ishida's in control. It's not that he doesn't like Ishida because he certainly does, but he isn't Ishimaru.

Mondo can't manage words, instead hugging Ishida tightly and shaking a bit while he tries to calm himself down. Ishida doesn't need to be burdened with this, he knows that. He doubts Ishida wants to deal with this at all; he'll be fine. He just needs a minute.]

[Ishida isn't sure what to do with that reaction, and for a moment he freezes up. It's obvious to him that that isn't the right reaction, though, and after a moment he closes his eyes and just lets himself move through instinct - nuzzling lightly against Mondo and letting one of his hands slip upward, his fingers burying themselves in those short, dark locks at the nape of Mondo's neck, playing with his hair a bit and trying to calm him down.

He doesn't try to tell him it's okay; he knows it's not. He isn't entirely sure what makes him settle on what he does say.]

I'm sorry.

[He knows he technically has nothing to apologize for; just the same, it feels right.]

I'm so, so sorry.

...not your fault.

[He can't blame Ishida for existing when he saved Ishimaru's life, at least for a period of time. Hell, he couldn't blame Ishida at all. It isn't Ishida's fault.

Mondo draws back after a moment, not because he doesn't like the comfort, but rather because he's not used to needing it. He runs his sleeve across his eyes, then makes a face when he realizes his eyeliner's going to be horribly ruined.]

We should probably head back home. I probably look like a wreck.

[He laughs, but the sound is hollow. He just has to try to move on as best he can. Ishimaru wouldn't want to see him sobbing over him, right? Besides, he has Ishida to look after. He can't afford to get stuck dwelling on what he can't have.]

...I'd say you look fine, but I'll just leave it at "I'm probably not doing any better." C'mon.

[He reaches out then, grabbing Mondo's hand tightly and tugging him back in the direction of the apartment; it's an impatient gesture, yes, but he can't deny that a part of him just doesn't feel right letting go. He wants the contact, and he doesn't seem inclined to break it anytime soon.]

[Mondo doesn't try to pull away. In fact, he clings to Ishida's hand and follows him, content to be led around for the time being. He's going to want to do nothing but cuddle when they get back, so hopefully you don't mind that! Everything hurts and he just wants it to stop hurting, even if it's just for a little while.]

[Honestly, he figures that you just didn't want to be standing around having a hugfest in the middle of the sidewalk; he can't say he blames you any. That clinging to his hand worries him a bit, but he manages to lead Mondo back to the apartment with little incident, at least until they get to the door. He swears under his breath; he still doesn't have a damn key.]

Just...unlock it and we can go inside, okay? We can go right upstairs if you want; I'll stay right with you, for as long as you want me to.

Ah... yeah.

[That seems to snap him out of it at least somewhat. He unlocks the door and enters, waiting for Ishida to come inside before shutting and locking the door again. He goes back into that dazed state not long afterwards, heading upstairs and finally letting go of Ishida's hand. He quickly pulls out clothes from the closet and nods toward the shower.]

I'll be right back.

[He probably should have let Ishida go first though, since he's pretty sure he's just going to sit in the shower and cry for awhile. He turns down the heat so Ishida will at least have some warm water.

It takes him longer than it did last night to finally get out of the shower, and he once again collapses in bed, but this time it's due to sheer exhaustion. He hates crying, it always leaves him so damn tired afterwards. Mondo doesn't say anything to Ishida, instead just rolling over onto his side and staring off into space. He knows he has to pick himself up tomorrow and move on as best he can, but for now he can allow himself to hurt, just for a little while.]

[The length of time Mondo is spending in there starts to make him anxious, after a while; he knows it's stupid, that Mondo wouldn't do anything like that, but for a moment he can't help but start wondering if Mondo's decided to end himself. He decides eventually to just say fuck it, he'll deal with showering in the morning, and he dresses for bed just to give himself something to do; he's at the closet and re-arranging the things he'd hung up earlier by the time Mondo lies down, just for the sake of giving himself something to do with his damn hands to work some of the stress out.

He manages to keep most of the relief out of sight when he sees him; he's quick to sit next to him on the bed, leaning his back against the headboard and curling up, drawing his knees up close to his chest before he reaches out to tousle Mondo's hair a bit.]

Hey.

[His voice has lost some of the usual harsh edge to it; he doesn't stop playing with Mondo's hair.]

You want me to do anything for you?

[Mondo makes a soft, pleased noise at the hair-playing, leaning into Ishida's touch. He doesn't reply right away, just letting Ishida mess with his hair.]

...nah, I'll be fine. Sorry, I guess I just wasn't expecting that.

[He should be stronger than this. He's not going to fall to pieces now. He can't.]

Just... stay here with me. Don't you fucking dare talk about taking the couch tonight.

[He manages to make it sound half-way joking, but he's dead serious.]

[...he knows.]

I'm not gonna leave you, kyoudai, don't worry.

[He keeps playing with Mondo's hair, the gesture soft; Mondo seems to like it, and it's surprisingly calming for Ishida as well.]

You can tell me if you need something - it's not...

[He hesitates, as though unsure if he should continue; he presses on ahead anyway.]

It's not weak, okay? This is a lot of shit to deal with.

[Is it really not weak for him to feel like this? Sure, he got like this after Daiya's death and yes, it took him a long time to properly pull himself together, but back then he'd had a gang to run, he'd had something that needed him. Here he doesn't have the same thing - but he does have Ishida. He can't leave Ishida alone; he promised he'd be there for him.]

Yeah. It is. I think I'll be okay, kyoudai. I just need some time to process all this, y'know?

...Thank you, though. I guess I needed to hear that. I'll let you know if I need anything.

[For now though, he's content with the hand in his hair and he'll just nuzzle into that touch, alright.]

[He knows that Mondo probably wouldn't like it - he'd insist that it's something he doesn't need, that it's something he shouldn't need, but something about the way Mondo is actively seeming to seek comfort from him just sets off something weird in Ishida's head; he's always known that he never wants to lose Mondo again and he'll do what he can to prevent that, but all he can think now is about how much he wants to protect him, to keep him safe. To make sure nothing ever fucks with him again.

The feeling is so strong it hurts, setting off a dull ache in his chest, but it isn't a bad sort of pain at all; if anything, it's the sort that keeps you going when nothing else will.]

You know I'd do anything for you, right?

[He hesitates for a moment once that's out there, though he doesn't stop playing with Mondo's hair.]

I...I know I can't give you what you probably want right now, but if I could I'd do that too - I don't give a fuck about the cost. I'm always gonna be here for you, okay? No matter what.

[He's silent for a moment, letting Ishida's words sink in. Ishida would give up his own existence for him? It's a terrifying thought and one he's not sure what to do with. As terrifying as it is though, it's also incredibly comforting to know that Ishida would do anything for him. He's a bit startled to find that he would do the same for Ishida, despite not knowing him very well. He's still a part of Ishimaru - or Ishimaru's a part of him, he's still not sure on that - and he would do anything for Ishimaru, so it makes sense.

Mondo finally rolls over to face Ishida. His expression is soft, pleased, and not one he usually wears.]

...Thanks. I wouldn't want you to disappear for my sake, but I appreciate the sentiment. I'd do anything for you too, kyoudai. And I'll always be here for you too! I guess I needed to hear that. Things'll be okay.

[For a moment he rather plainly doesn't know what to do with that; his eyes widen a little at that expression. He's never been looked at quite like that before; he smirks a bit at that, though he isn't able to keep eye contact very well.]

So you actually want me around, huh? Not that I'm calling you a liar or anything, it's just kind of a weird situation.

You're my brother, 'course I want to keep you around.

[He doesn't sound upset, but his tone isn't exactly teasing either. Mondo finally sits up and without really thinking about it, he wraps an arm around Ishida's waist, resting his head on his friend's shoulder.]

I don't think it's something I'll just get over, but I've still got you. It'll be painful for awhile, but I think I'll be okay.

[Ishida shifts a little, though he isn't trying to get away from him; he's just not too sure what to do with this sort of thing. Hugging or comforting is one thing; casually interacting with this much touch is...weird.

Good-weird, though. Definitely good-weird.

He links his hands together around his legs where they're still drawn up against his chest, but he rests his head up against Mondo's, relaxing a bit as he does so.]

You'll always have me. That's a fuckin' promise. And as long as I have you I'll be all right.

Yeah, same goes for me. As long as I've got you, I think I'll be fine.

[He's relieved to hear that, and for some reason, even more relieved to say it. He fully believes that everything will be okay as long as he has Ishida here with him, even if Ishida does remind him of Ishimaru sometimes. He just has to think of them as two separate people and everything will be okay eventually.]

Thanks. I dunno what I'd do without you. Other than be really fucking lonely.

[He laughs at that, but the sound is self-deprecating rather than humorous.]

[Ishida just nudges him a little for that.]

I don't know what the hell you're supposed to do with me, either, but you won't have to be lonely again, okay?

I'm glad to hear it!

[One of his greatest fears is being left alone; at least with Ishida he won't have to worry about that.]

And we'll figure something out, I'm sure! I'm never gonna leave you though, so you don't have to worry about that, no matter how rough things get!

[Not that he sees them getting very rough at all. Mondo hugs Ishida tighter, very pleased with what his friend has said.]

[He just laughs a bit at that, cuddling into that hug Mondo's giving him.]

Ah, come on! You're getting all sentimental on me.

[He's clearly teasing, though he's quick to calm down a bit when he speaks next, the words leaving him somewhat awkwardly.]

But if we're gonna be getting sentimental like that, then I...I'm not gonna let anything happen to you here, not if I can help it. You're...you're really fuckin' important to me and I want you to be happy, all right?!

You... you don't have to do that. I can look out for myself.

[The protest is weak though, and it's really only because he can't quite accept just how good Ishida is being to him. After everything that happened, Ishida should want nothing to do with him, right? Instead he wants just the opposite, and it's enough to make Mondo ache for some reason he can't pinpoint. Maybe it's because he hasn't had anyone care about him like this since Daiya. Maybe it's because he's needed something like this for a long time now.]

But... I do appreciate it. I'm gonna do my best to look out for you too, okay? Nothing'll happen to you while I'm here.

[His grip tightens on Ishida again and he leans into that nuzzling.]

LOCKED TO blazingspirit

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