locked to manufactured

[scythegun]

[When Wesker didn't contact him a day ago he was worried, but worry has quickly turned to fear and Jaeger's never been good at dealing with fear. Repeated attempts to reach Wesker have failed, so Jaeger's taken it on himself to go looking for his boyfriend.

Thankfully Wesker cuts a distinctive figure and Jaeger's able to trace his location to the outskirts of the city. He's worried that he's going to find that something's happened to Wesker, that he'll be injured or dying, or maybe even already dead—

But that isn't the case, and when he finds Wesker the man looks perfectly fine.]

Albert!

[He'll approach immediately; the worry and concern is probably obvious just from that exclamation alone, but once he gets close he speaks up again.]

Are you okay? What are you doing out here?

[If Wesker will let him get close enough, he'll reach out to touch Wesker's arm, as he usually does.]

Comments

[scythegun]

[...Why would you do this to him. He has been nothing but as kind and supportive as he can be and you spring this bullshit on him.

Of course he knows what Wesker's talking about, and his expression probably shows it before he glances away. He's tense, and suddenly he'd rather be anywhere else in the world.]

...I think so.

[The words are quiet; tight in a way they usual aren't.]

[manufactured]

It upsets you.

[It isn't a question.]

[scythegun]

[He could try to deny it, and maybe Wesker would even let him get away with it. But what good would that do?]

...It does.

[His left hand comes up to touch the blastia beneath his clothes. He can't find anything else to say, because admitting that it terrifies him seems like a bad idea.]

[manufactured]

Talk to me.

[It isn't the quiet encouragement usually implied by those three words, imploring Jaeger to open up about whatever is troubling him.

When he says it now, it sounds almost like a challenge.]

I want to hear your thoughts on the matter; from the sound of it, you have several.

[scythegun]

[It sounds wrong to hear those three words spoken like that. It's almost like Wesker's trying to get a rise out of him, trying to pick a fight. But that's not it, right? What could he possibly gain from something like that?

Some part of Jaeger really wants to leave; he doubts Wesker would stop him. But that's what he always does, he runs away. He doesn't want to do that to Wesker, even if Wesker doesn't remember. Even if Wesker's willing to say things like this to him.

It's not hurting him, at least.]

...I do. To be honest, it worries me that you'd think like that in the first place, that you'd want to judge all of humanity. I don't understand what you could get out of something like that.

[Besides the twisted satisfaction of watching so many people die, that is.]

[manufactured]

It's doing humanity a service that they're unwilling to do for themselves.

[The response is prompt, but it isn't heated; if anything, it's very, very cold.]

This isn't something I'm doing for cruelty's sake. If that were the case, then I could just allow humans to continue on their path of assured abuse and destruction of one another. I would have no need to involve myself. The world is already well on the path to destruction.

The purpose of judgement isn't to be cruel. It isn't sadism. And it isn't a desire to end the world. Quite the opposite - it's the only way to save it.

[scythegun]

[That makes his skin crawl. Hearing those words coming out of his boyfriend's mouth in such a cold tone... It's terrifying. How could someone ever get to the point where they genuinely believe that killing almost everyone is for the good of the world?

It takes him a long time to find a response.]

...I see. I'm sure it goes without saying that I don't agree with that. Humans can be unbelievably cruel and terrible, but I don't believe that the only path to our salvation is through killing off so many.

[His voice is thankfully not wavering any, but he can't look at Wesker. His grip tightens on the blastia.]

[manufactured]

It's not a sacrifice that most are willing to make. Even now, in the life I currently lead with you, I seem to fear it.

But this is the only way to ensure that humanity doesn't destroy itself - the human race requires judgement to survive. Once that time has passed, a new era of evolution will heal the world from where it's been stagnating in its own overpopulated mass.

[...]

It troubles me that I don't seem to understand that anymore. But eventually things will be as they should again. I'm sure of it.

[scythegun]

[He sincerely hopes that his Wesker never understands this. How can he be so calm about this? How can he spout off such insanity like it makes any sense?

Jaeger forces his hand down and busies himself with examining his sleeves. It gives him something to do, though it doesn't hide how his hands are shaking.]

...We'll see how things go.

[Some part of him wants to fight against Wesker's words - surely his Wesker would never agree with this, he'd never understand or want to pursue it - but it's best to play it safe. No, that's not exactly right. He can convince himself he's doing it because he doesn't want to rile this Wesker up, but the reality is that he's too afraid to speak up. He has no idea how to handle this situation or this version of Wesker.]

[manufactured]

If I truly am as fond of you as I seem to be, I'm sure I'll want you with me.

[It's something he'd let Excella believe, too; he has no problem saying it again.]

When everything ends and the new world is created, you'll be with me. You'll understand then.

[scythegun]

[For a long moment, Jaeger just stares. He doesn't feel anything and it's hard to put any sort of coherent thought together with the warning bells blaring in his head.

He wants to leave so badly, he wants to run away from this conversation and pretend it never happened, so maybe he can go back to believing that this Wesker's just weird in ways that are vastly different from the Wesker he knows and loves. He wants to pretend that everything's fine, that his boyfriend isn't the reincarnation of a man who truly believed he was saving the world by wiping out almost all of humanity. He wants to wipe this conversation from his memory so he never has to hear those words ever again, because nothing has ever scared him more.

But he finds himself rooted to the spot, his left hand once again settling on the blastia as though to make sure it's still functioning.]

...I don't think I'll ever understand.

[The words are distant; they sound like they're coming from someone else. They're surprisingly steady though, despite the panic slowly settling in.]

I don't want to understand. I can never agree with that way of thinking.

[manufactured]

Again, it's not something most people are willing to agree with. But you'll see it one day. What I'm trying to do.

I know you'll understand then.

[He doesn't usually insist like this; the last person he tried with was Chris, and even then, it hadn't been all that important in the end anyway - he'd been convinced Chris would be dead before his new world even came to fruition. But he'd said it anyway, he'd insisted that Chris would understand, that everything would make perfect sense if he only saw it-

It's something he feels the need to insist on for Jaeger as well, even if he can't say for sure why it's so important. It simply is.]

[scythegun]

[Jaeger's quiet at that. He still feels like he's in shock. The panic is setting in, but it still feels distant somehow, like this is all happening to someone else and he's merely watching it. In some ways it makes it easier, but he knows he should be having more of a reaction to it.

He's not ever going to understand, he's sure of that. But it seems strange that Wesker would insist on it. Did he do this with everyone? No, he probably wouldn't care about most people. So why...?

Thinking about it is just going to make things worse once he gets over the shock. So he'll ignore it, he'll try to focus on something else anything else.]

...I need to go. I think I left something behind at the shop.

[The words are still almost eerily calm considering how out of it he feels. He moves to stand and it's entirely mechanical, like his body's acting completely separate from his mind. Maybe that's for the best.

Some part of him still doesn't want to leave Wesker, but that small part is being drowned out by the warning bells going off in his head.]

[manufactured]

...Of course.

[He doesn't move to see him out, and his tone is fairly clear in intent - just...go, if you're going to.]

[scythegun]

[He'll take his leave then, without saying goodbye or looking back. His hands shake against the doorknob and even once he's in his car he can't quite calm down. Wesker's manor has gone from being the safest place in the world to the last place he wants to be.

He thinks he understands why Wesker was so concerned about hurting him now. Even if this Wesker isn't intentionally trying to hurt him, he's going to manage it at some point. He just needs to get out, to go home.

But you're leaving him, Some small part of him pipes up, unbidden, you promised you'd never leave him and look at what you're doing now. You're running away, just like you always do.

He doesn't allow himself to think about it, he just turns the car on and backs out of the driveway.

...

Days slip by without Jaeger noticing, and soon a whole week has passed since he left Wesker's manor. Since he left Wesker. Wesker hasn't tried to get in contact with him, so Jaeger can only assume that Wesker's memories haven't returned. He's probably going to be like this forever, isn't he?

And Jaeger ran away when things started getting tough, just like always.

To be honest, he's still scared of Wesker. But he doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want Wesker to be alone, and he's honestly not sure if he's more afraid of Wesker, or of being left alone. Either way, things are bad and it's taking a toll on Jaeger.

His employees have all noticed that something's wrong, and no amount of smiling and reassuring them that he's fine is going to cut it anymore. He has to do something, and this comes to a head about a week and a half after leaving Wesker.

He's been having trouble sleeping, and it's late one night that he makes the mistake of checking through his messages. Old conversations with Wesker catch his attention, and before he knows it he's once again worked up over leaving. He did what he thought was right in the moment, but was it really? Shouldn't he have stayed put and tried to work through it?

...He doesn't know, but he ends up typing a message up anyway.]

Albert,
I'm sorry for disappearing on you. I should have gotten in contact with you sooner. To be honest, what you said scared me and even now I'm not sure how to respond. I really am sorry about leaving though, especially without giving you any sort of explanation.

[He shouldn't send it. He should delete it and try to sleep. This isn't going to go anywhere and he knows it. Wesker isn't the same man he once was, and it's likely he never will be again. He promised his Wesker that he wouldn't allow himself to get hurt, and he's managed that so far. If he sends this, he's just opening that possibility up again, and who knows if he'll be able to get out this time.

He closes his eyes and presses send.]

[manufactured]

[The response isn't immediate. But eventually, there is a response.]

It's fine. You weren't particularly subtle about it.

Don't let it concern you.

[scythegun]

[To be honest, he's sort of surprised he receives a response. Some part of him hoped he wouldn't, but he's all too quick to read the text over several times and come up with one of his own. He doesn't hesitate to press send this time.]

It's going to concern me anyway. I always worry.

How are you doing? Are you settling in okay?

[manufactured]

I'm doing well enough. I think I have enough figured out that the memory loss isn't completely apparent to most people at this point.

[There's a pause, and then another.]

Are you all right?

[scythegun]

I'm glad you're doing well. I'm sure this isn't easy.

[He hesitates for a moment before deciding to answer the second text honestly. He could probably pretend to be fine and Wesker would let him get away with it, but it's late at night and right now he doesn't want to pretend.]

To be honest, I haven't been doing very well. I'm having trouble sleeping and I can't seem to focus or concentrate on anything for very long. I can't stop worrying.

[Another pause.]

I feel guilty for leaving you.

[manufactured]

[It takes him a while to answer.]

Why would you feel guilty?

[scythegun]

[...]

Because you're so important to me. Because I don't want to leave you alone. Because you don't remember any of this. I could probably come up with a few more, but it's pretty late.

[manufactured]

I can handle being on my own. There are worse things than being alone, in my experience.

[There's a pause, though. Then another.]

I won't turn you away, if you come back.

[scythegun]

[That text probably shouldn't make his heart pound, but it does. His hands are shaking and it takes him a moment to get that under control before he can finally respond.]

Thank you. I'm not sure I have the words to express just how much that means to me.

[He shouldn't go back though, should he? Staying away from Wesker keeps him safe, which is what his Wesker wanted. Going back means putting himself at risk of being hurt, but...

Well, he certainly can't deny that this is making his heart race, at least.]

[manufactured]

Of course.

You don't have to be afraid of me, you know.

[scythegun]

I don't want to be. You're very important to me, so I'll work on overcoming it.

[A healthy amount of fear is fine given what Wesker said to him, but running and hiding like this is a bit much, right?]