LOCKED TO blazingspirit

[diamondo]

[He doesn't remember much about his execution.

Oh sure, he remembers the lead-up to it; he remembers how the others looked on as he was led away and sure, he remembers Ishimaru's screams. He doesn't remember the death cage nor does he remember the sudden pain before it was all over.

It made waking up here incredibly confusing.

"Here" must be some sort of afterlife, but Mondo hasn't been able to figure out what it is, exactly. It's obviously not heaven (he's killed two people, he doesn't belong in heaven), but it doesn't seem to be hell either. Things are monotonous, yes, but they're not bad.

That leaves the option of purgatory, which Mondo is more or less fine with. It's better than spending an eternity suffering. It's probably not right for him to stay here instead of moving on to hell, but he doesn't know how or when that will happen. He's content to leave it at that for the time being.

This place is a rather large city - half of it is full of native English speakers, whom Mondo tends to avoid (his English is atrocious, after all), the other half is full of Japanese speakers. The city itself doesn't seem to be anywhere Mondo has ever seen, but it's large and spread out, with plenty to explore and do. Mondo hasn't seen everything there is to see though; he's only been here for a few weeks, and he knew if he wanted to make ends meet, he'd need a job first. Exploring could wait.

It's convenient that there's a carpenter's shop just down the road from the apartment Mondo woke up in. It might not technically be his, but he's been staying there until he can afford to properly rent it out. No one has complained so far, so he figures it's fine for the time being. The carpenter works him to the bone and he's never been so exhausted in his life when he comes home, but it's a good kind of exhaustion that means he's doing something productive. He can't make up for what he's done in the past, but he can help out here.

He's off work for the day, lounging around in what serves as the living room of his apartment, flipping through the newspaper. The dates here are all screwed up - it's almost winter here and he knows he'll have to put some money away toward buying proper winter clothes. That's only a minor concern though, because he has much bigger things to worry about.

In a city this large, it's possible that he's just missed seeing the others. He hasn't been looking very hard, admittedly. He's not sure what to say to them when he does see them. "Sorry" simply won't cut it for Fujisaki. He doesn't really want to see Kuwata, Enoshima, or Maizono either. He's sure it's only a matter of time before one of them finds him, or before someone else shows up here.

All he can do is hope that it won't be Ishimaru.]

Comments

[blazingspirit]

[He looks at Mondo a bit strangely for that.]

I don't get to decide whether I do or not - it didn't happen to me, you know?

[diamondo]

[Mondo bites the inside of his lip while he thinks. It seems like whatever he says will be wrong and will anger Ishida.]

But you're part of him. Or he's part of you. Something like that.

[blazingspirit]

...Well, yeah.

[For what it's worth, though, he doesn't seem mad; he's just taking a moment to think it over.]

I remember what's happened to him. To...us, I guess. The memories don't really feel like mine, though.

[...mnnnngh. That isn't...quite what he wanted - ]

It's the difference between someone saying something to you, and overhearing them saying it to someone else. You have the same information, but it feels completely different. It's like that - like watching it from a distance, like it's happening to someone else.

[diamondo]

[That doesn't make sense though. How can it be so entirely different when this is a part of Ishimaru's personality? Mondo has never pretended to understand psychology, and this goes so far beyond what little he knows that he can't help but be baffled by it. He's pretty sure he's staring, so he redirects his gaze to the road in front of them instead. What does he even say to something like that?]

Yeah, I guess I get it. It's still kinda weird, y'know? I mean, you guys aren't totally different people, right?

[blazingspirit]

We aren't the same person, either.

[Said as though this explains everything.]

[diamondo]

[Ishida, he is this close to throwing his hands in the air and giving up entirely.]

But you came into being because of him! You have his memories! Fuck, some of the things you do are practically the same as what he does!

[blazingspirit]

[WELL, WITH SHIT LIKE THAT YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE.]

What the fuck do you want me to say, kyoudai?! I don't even know what you're getting at - I don't have a better explanation, so what do you want from me?!

[diamondo]

[For a moment he seriously considers saying that he wants Ishida to go back to being Ishimaru. He doesn't believe that they're separate people; he believes that Ishida is some kind of strange coping mechanism or something. Even if that's all he is, saying something like that would be cruel, wouldn't it?]

Shit, I don't know. I just can't wrap my head around this, alright? I don't get it.

[blazingspirit]

And I'm trying to explain it to you - what don't you understand?!

[He's vaguely aware that they're probably causing some sort of scene; he can't really bring himself to care much.]

[diamondo]

The entire fucking thing! I don't get how he could just... I don't know, turn into you!! The entire thing is fucking confusing as hell!

[blazingspirit]

Where. Do you want me. To start?!

[IS THAT BETTER, GODDAMN.]

[diamondo]

You can skip over the weird spiritual possession thing! I just wanna know how you can call yourself a different person when you're--!!

[Whoaaaaa backing up, backing up!! That's probably not a good line of thought to pursue!]

Never mind. Just tell me how you set your eyes on fire!!

[blazingspirit]

...I don't fucking know, they're just always like that. Now what the fuck were you going to say just now?!

[diamondo]

They can't have always been like that! That doesn't even make any fucking sense!

[Sorry, did you say something else? He didn't think so.]

[blazingspirit]

Answer me!

[He's flat-out screaming now, making a scene be damned, and it's taking all of his willpower to not cry; it's obvious he's frustrated, if nothing else, and before Mondo can answer him he's averted his gaze again, focusing once more on the pavement ahead.]

Goddamn it - never mind, okay? Never fucking mind.

[diamondo]

[He takes a step back at the sudden screaming, but Mondo only looks mildly surprised. He really should have seen that coming. He doesn't answer right away; as much as he'd like to take Ishida up on that offer to forget it, he can't.]

...I was gonna say that you're Ishimaru. You're some kinda... fuck if I know, a coping or defense mechanism created to help him get through all the shit that was happening in the school after I... yeah.

[He rubs the back of his neck. The anger has left him entirely, leaving just confusion.]

...But I don't know jackshit about that psychobabble stuff, so I could be wrong.

[He's trying not to offend Ishida or upset him too badly, okay...]

[blazingspirit]

He was fucking dying.

[Ishida's words are sharp and abrupt; he's still not looking at Mondo while he speaks.]

No one wanted to put it like that; the others just seemed to think he'd get over it after a while. But he wasn't eating, he wasn't sleeping, he wasn't doing shit to preserve himself anymore and he was just wandering through that school almost completely goddamn silent while Monobear popped up sometimes to rub salt in his fucking wounds. It was slow, and it was fucking painful, and even without being attacked by anyone, he would have fucking died anyway if it weren't for me.

But then, we didn't know about this place. Maybe it would have been better that way. It would have been over, and I wouldn't...

[His words catch; he shakes his head before forcing himself to continue.]

I don't know. I wouldn't be like this. That's what you'd want, right?

[diamondo]

[He flinches at Ishida's words; he believes them of course, but it hurts to hear that his death could have led to Ishimaru's. He reaches out and immediately pulls Ishida into a tight hug. He's not letting go any time soon, so get used to it.]

Shut up. I never said I didn't want you like this. You did what you had to in order to survive. You did everything you could, I believe that. I don't care what you're like and you can be Ishida or Ishimaru, it doesn't matter. You're still my brother. You'll always be my brother.

I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.

[blazingspirit]

[His reaction to being hugged is once again fierce and immediate; he latches onto Mondo hard, though it's probably obvious from the way his body is shaking that he's started to cry.

He doesn't seem able to stop himself, nor does he seem to care much about trying; he just holds Mondo tightly, once in a while offering strange, frustrated cries in place of actual words - speaking doesn't seem to be happening for the moment.]

[diamondo]

H-Hey, it's okay, kyoudai. It's okay. I'm sorry for saying that shit; I really didn't mean to hurt you, okay? And... fuck, I'm sorry about what happened in the school. None of that should've happened to either of you.

[He reaches up to run a hand through Ishida's hair since he seems to like it and it seems to calm him down. Those frustrated cries hurt for some reason and he hopes calming Ishida down will stop those cries.]

[blazingspirit]

[While he's far from settling properly, that hair-playing at least gets him to calm down a little, his breathing seeming to deepen and become a bit more even than the jagged bursts that had been escaping him moments before; those strange sounds eventually slow in frequency before coming to a stop entirely, and after a moment he seems to find words again.]

...Y-You don't...have to be sorry. It's okay.

[His grip tightens a bit, though.]

I'm not...I'm not Ishimaru anymore. That's what I've been trying to tell you. H-He isn't...

[Just. Let him cling to you, okay.]

[diamondo]

[Of course he has to be sorry. If he hadn't killed Fujisaki, Ishida wouldn't have to exist. He doubts Ishida would be pleased to hear that though, so he simply lets it go for the time being, continuing to play with Ishida's hair.]

...He's not going to come back, is he?

[He's not sure how he knows this, but that's what Ishida was going to say, isn't it? Ishimaru's gone. Mondo's grip tightens on Ishida reflexively and he'd do anything to have that be proven wrong.]

[blazingspirit]

[He can feel Mondo's grip tightening on him, and all at once he understands why; it hurts far deeper than the actual question ever could have.]

...I don't...think he is, kyoudai, he's gone.

[diamondo]

[He tries to keep from clinging because he knows it won't do any good and he'll just hurt Ishida, but he can't stop himself. He latches on and buries his face in Ishida's shoulder because he knows he's going to cry.

It's not fair. Ishimaru is already dead back in Hope's Peak. Why does he have to be dead here too? That's what it is, right? He's dead. Ishida's in control. It's not that he doesn't like Ishida because he certainly does, but he isn't Ishimaru.

Mondo can't manage words, instead hugging Ishida tightly and shaking a bit while he tries to calm himself down. Ishida doesn't need to be burdened with this, he knows that. He doubts Ishida wants to deal with this at all; he'll be fine. He just needs a minute.]

[blazingspirit]

[Ishida isn't sure what to do with that reaction, and for a moment he freezes up. It's obvious to him that that isn't the right reaction, though, and after a moment he closes his eyes and just lets himself move through instinct - nuzzling lightly against Mondo and letting one of his hands slip upward, his fingers burying themselves in those short, dark locks at the nape of Mondo's neck, playing with his hair a bit and trying to calm him down.

He doesn't try to tell him it's okay; he knows it's not. He isn't entirely sure what makes him settle on what he does say.]

I'm sorry.

[He knows he technically has nothing to apologize for; just the same, it feels right.]

I'm so, so sorry.