LOCKED TO blazingspirit

[diamondo]

[He doesn't remember much about his execution.

Oh sure, he remembers the lead-up to it; he remembers how the others looked on as he was led away and sure, he remembers Ishimaru's screams. He doesn't remember the death cage nor does he remember the sudden pain before it was all over.

It made waking up here incredibly confusing.

"Here" must be some sort of afterlife, but Mondo hasn't been able to figure out what it is, exactly. It's obviously not heaven (he's killed two people, he doesn't belong in heaven), but it doesn't seem to be hell either. Things are monotonous, yes, but they're not bad.

That leaves the option of purgatory, which Mondo is more or less fine with. It's better than spending an eternity suffering. It's probably not right for him to stay here instead of moving on to hell, but he doesn't know how or when that will happen. He's content to leave it at that for the time being.

This place is a rather large city - half of it is full of native English speakers, whom Mondo tends to avoid (his English is atrocious, after all), the other half is full of Japanese speakers. The city itself doesn't seem to be anywhere Mondo has ever seen, but it's large and spread out, with plenty to explore and do. Mondo hasn't seen everything there is to see though; he's only been here for a few weeks, and he knew if he wanted to make ends meet, he'd need a job first. Exploring could wait.

It's convenient that there's a carpenter's shop just down the road from the apartment Mondo woke up in. It might not technically be his, but he's been staying there until he can afford to properly rent it out. No one has complained so far, so he figures it's fine for the time being. The carpenter works him to the bone and he's never been so exhausted in his life when he comes home, but it's a good kind of exhaustion that means he's doing something productive. He can't make up for what he's done in the past, but he can help out here.

He's off work for the day, lounging around in what serves as the living room of his apartment, flipping through the newspaper. The dates here are all screwed up - it's almost winter here and he knows he'll have to put some money away toward buying proper winter clothes. That's only a minor concern though, because he has much bigger things to worry about.

In a city this large, it's possible that he's just missed seeing the others. He hasn't been looking very hard, admittedly. He's not sure what to say to them when he does see them. "Sorry" simply won't cut it for Fujisaki. He doesn't really want to see Kuwata, Enoshima, or Maizono either. He's sure it's only a matter of time before one of them finds him, or before someone else shows up here.

All he can do is hope that it won't be Ishimaru.]

Comments

[diamondo]

Yeah, I guess you're right.

[...]

You alright?

[blazingspirit]

What? Yeah! Yeah, I just...

[He twitches a little.]

It's just been kind of a long week, you know?

[diamondo]

...You wanna talk about it?

[Not that he'd blame Ishida if he didn't.]

[blazingspirit]

[For a moment Ishida considers actually telling him; he may have more control over himself than Ishimaru did, but he can't deny the idea that telling someone might be good. That it might feel better if he can get it out in the open, or at least get it out of his head and have someone else help him deal with it.

Ultimately, he doesn't. He can't. Not yet.]

...Maybe some other time, kyoudai.

[diamondo]

[Is it something about his death? Something that happened in he school after Mondo died? He has no way of knowing unless Ishida says something, but that doesn't look like it's going to happen. Mondo moves to mess with Ishida's hair again without even thinking about it.]

Hey, it's alright. I'm not gonna make you talk about it.

[blazingspirit]

[Again, Ishida responds favorably to that touch, leaning into it and seeming rather pleased for a moment before he responds.]

Just want to keep my eyes dry today, you know? Like I said, I'm happy to see you!

[diamondo]

Yeah, I know that feeling all too well.

[Mondo's smiling though and he continues to ruffle Ishida's hair.]

I'm happy to see you too. Well, I mean, it sucks that you're dead back home, but you're here now; everything'll be okay!

[blazingspirit]

I don't really mind it.

[There's nothing self-pitying in his words, nor is he really trying to get at anything; they're blunt and utterly straightforward. He's dead back home. He doesn't really mind.]

I mean, I don't want anything to happen to the others, but if I can be here with you, then...

[He shrugs.]

[diamondo]

[It occurs to him then that something might be really goddamn wrong with Ishida and Ishimaru. Ishida cares more about being here with Mondo than he does about his own death. Ishimaru cared so much he ditched his personality to become someone else, a fusion of the two of them.

The thought is horrifying and for a moment, Mondo stops playing with Ishida's hair.

But... it does feel kind of nice to be cared about so much by someone else. He's not really sure what to do with it. After a moment he picks up the hair-playing again and finally comes up with something to say.]

Yeah. I don't want anything bad to happen to 'em either. I haven't seen the others; Maizono, Enoshima, Kuwata, and Fujisaki, I mean. I should probably go looking for 'em.

[Ask him how much he wants to.]

You won't lose me again, kyoudai. I'll do whatever I can to make sure you never lose me again.

[blazingspirit]

[Something about the hesitation in Mondo's actions and the words he's giving him manages to strike Ishida completely wrong; the look in his eyes is sharp when he pulls back, anger flaring up again into his voice.]

I won't lose you because I'm not gonna let anyone fuck with you like that again, kyoudai! I fuckin' mean it - if anyone tries to start anything with you I'm going to wreck their solar plexus so bad they'll be shitting blood for the next month, you hear me?!

[diamondo]

[...............jesus christ]

I appreciate it, but I got what I deserved, kyoudai.

[He's content to leave it at that and not elaborate on it any. He still hasn't come to terms with what happened.]

[blazingspirit]

Like hell you did!

[He can hear himself getting louder; he can't really bring himself to tone it down any, and before he can really register what he's doing he's shoved away from the couch entirely, jumping easily and abruptly to his feet.]

Don't say shit like that - I don't want to hear you talking like that again!!

[diamondo]

Yeah? And what would you have had me do, huh? Get away with murder?

[He comes down hard on that last word and immediately looks away. Mondo is actually managing to control his voice for once, but it's clear that this isn't something he really wants to discuss.]

I killed that kid. What the hell other punishment would you give me, huh?

[blazingspirit]

[Ishida flinches hard at that, but he isn't backing down, either; if anything, he squares off, determined.]

You aren't a fucking murderer - you wouldn't have done any of that shit if it weren't for Monobear fucking with you!

[diamondo]

Doesn't matter whether I would've or not, the fact is I did!

[His voice does get louder at that, but he doesn't make a move to stand. Instead he clenches his knees tightly and continues to glare at the ground.]

'Sides, you can't tell me I wouldn't have killed anyone outside of the school 'cause I did! My brother's-- my brother's dead because of me! So don't fucking say shit like that!!

I finally got what I deserved. I should've died in his place years ago.

[He's shaking now, but he's not aware of it. Mondo wasn't aware of how badly all this was weighing on him until now.]

[blazingspirit]

[Tears are quick to spring to his eyes at that, hot and angry, but that doesn't seem to deter him from moving any; he lashes out, with no warning whatsoever, to strike Mondo across the face.

He isn't punching him, as he can't seem to make himself, but rather he's hitting him backhanded; just the same, the strike is quick and hard, the sort of thing Ishimaru never would have considered doing even on a bad day.]

Don't you ever say that again, do you fucking understand?!

[He takes a swipe at his eyes, as though trying to stop the tears from falling; it doesn't really do much, which only serves to frustrate him further.]

Don't say shit like that - you don't deserve it, and I...I don't...

[He twitches sharply, as though he's considering hitting him again, but he forces himself to turn away; he doesn't want to leave his brother - not now, not ever - but he doesn't want to stay, either, and he's strongly considering storming out.]

[diamondo]

[Mondo doesn't move after he's hit. It stings, and that pain is a good thing. It's a reminder that he's alive here, that he has a second chance. He's not going to fuck it up, not like he did back home.

It takes him a moment to realize that Ishida is crying and when Ishida turns away Mondo realizes that the worst thing that could possibly happen at this moment would be for Ishida to walk out that door. It doesn't matter that they've promised to stick together; what matters is that Ishida could very easily leave right now and Mondo would be alone again.]

Don't go.

[He doesn't move though, instead returning to sitting upright on the couch, hands still clamped on his knees.]

Please. I'm sorry, it's just... it's a lot to take in. I'm still... working through all this, y'know? I didn't mean to upset you.

[blazingspirit]

[Ishida doesn't turn around, but at the very least he stops; he can't face Mondo, not yet, especially since he's still crying and can't seem to stop himself.

It takes him a moment to reply, because he doesn't want his voice to break or crack in the middle of it; he waits until he has a bit more control than that, though his words are still shaking a bit, laced through with a dark, cold sound that's easily betraying just how fucking furious he is.]

I fucking mean it when I say I don't want to hear you say things like that. Don't do it again.

[diamondo]

I'll try. I can't guarantee anything, alright?

[That's the most he can offer. It's the sort of thing he's sure will come up again, but for the time being he doesn't want to acknowledge it. He just doesn't want Ishida to leave. He doesn't think he can handle losing another brother, even temporarily. He doubts Ishida would leave for good, since Mondo's death is what caused Ishida to come into being in the first place, but that thought is a brief one and does nothing to comfort him. He's so tired of being alone.]

I'll do my best.

[blazingspirit]

[Ishida closes his eyes for a moment, trying to force his breathing to settle, to make himself calm down; it doesn't work entirely, but it works well enough, and even though his face is still streaked with tears he turns to rejoin Mondo on the couch, sitting next to him and pulling him close again.]

...Sorry. About...all that. I'm sorry.

[diamondo]

[That almost makes Mondo break. Ishida still wants to be around him even after all this. Ishida isn't mad at him for all of this. Hell, Ishida doesn't think he deserved death after what he did. He can't think of anyone else that would care this much about him outside of his older brother.

He latches on immediately, gripping Ishida tightly. He's about three seconds from crying, both with relief that Ishida hasn't left and all the pain he's been putting off dealing with for the past two weeks.

He can't manage words right away, but when he does they're repetitive and muffled into Ishida's shoulder.]

Th-Thank you. Thank you. I'm... shit, I'm so sorry.

[blazingspirit]

[Ishida returns that grip, tight and fierce, and he nuzzles up against Mondo immediately once that apology's out there.]

It's okay. It's...it's okay.

[More nuzzling, okay.]

I'm not going to hit you like that again, all right? And I'm not going to fucking go anywhere. I'm sorry.

[diamondo]

[It takes him a moment, but that nuzzling is returned.]

It's... it's okay. I'm not mad. I just... I can't lose you. I can't.

[It's selfish. It's horribly selfish. What if Ishida needs some time alone? Some people need shit like that. He's never been one of them and he doesn't really understand it, but what if he's just keeping Ishida here when he needs to get some space? Why is he so weak? He should be able to handle being on his own.]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't... I shouldn't be this fucking weak.

[blazingspirit]

...N-No, no, don't do that. Come on.

[His grip tightens momentarily, squeezing him a bit before loosening up again.]

Whether you think it's weak or not, you can talk to me. I...I want you to talk to me; forget what I said, okay? If you need to talk about it, you can.

[diamondo]

N-No, I'm fine. I'm fine. I've just missed you, that's all.

[Mondo nuzzles against him, like that will help prove his point.]